Empty
by Sharon10
Summary: Ten years ago Nora left town pregnant. Now she's back with a whole new attitude. But what happened while she was away? And why is Bo so convinced that something bad happened? BONORA
1. Empty Part 1

I started this a few years ago but for some reason wasn't able to get it down on paper until now. LOL. It's something a little different so I'd appreciate the feedback.

Empty- Part 1

**A/N: Ten Years Ago Nora Left Town Pregnant. Now she's back with a Whole New Attitude… ( Sam is still alive and Bo and Nora have yet to learn that Matthew is theirs)**

There were a few things in life she never wanted to do. One of them was have regrets. She had spent the last ten years traveling and keeping herself so busy she never had time to focus on any one thing in her past she wished she had done differently. She had purposely chosen a lifestyle that would keep her moving because she never wanted to be faced with the _one_ thing in life she truly _did_ regret. But it couldn't be avoided now.

The screaming had stopped now. She always hated the sound of screaming. Especially the loud piercing sounds of a child.

_Regrets. What did they really accomplish anyways? They didn't change anything?_

Why had she been assigned to this particular case? She hated child abductions. Who was she kidding? She hated anything that had to do with children in danger. But it was more then that. It was the town. Why couldn't these people choose some other town…? ANY other town… Why did she have to come back here? Even for work.

It was then that she felt a hand on her shoulder. She nearly jumped out of her skin from the distraction. Not Good. REALLY not good. The last thing she could do was be distracted in the middle of a case. ESPECIALLY when a child was in danger.

Nora (Whispering): Look, I don't know what the hell… (Turning around) Oh, it's _you._

Bo: Nice to see you too Nora. Why are we whispering?

Nora: Not that it's any of your business but I'm on assignment. Now would you please just shut up so I can concentrate?

Bo: Well I would. But it seems that you're on my turf.

Nora: Sorry to disappoint you Bo but I have jurisdiction.

She heard a movement and started moving towards the sound. Bo came up behind her.

Bo: Sorry sweetheart, we're in this one together. So you can either shut up and let me help you or we're both going to be responsible for getting an innocent child killed.

She only looked at him with that glare that had been all hers for years. When they got their opening, they broke into the where house. Bo was about to go for the main guy when Nora suddenly had him flat on his back with a gun in his face and his hands tied behind his back.

Bo: How in the world did you lean how to do THAT?

Nora: It goes with the territory. You should know better then anyone what happens when you piss me off. (They shared a knowing look) now why don't you make yourself useful and read him his rights? I've got a child to rescue.

_Regrets. Why did most of her regrets always revolve around the man who was standing in front of her? Not that she wasn't entitled to them but…But what? She wished things had turned out differently. She wished… no time for wishes Nora. It's reality. And reality is that he's not yours anymore. Reality is that he's probably shacked up with some blonde bimbo with the IQ of a… stop it Nora. Stop thinking bad thoughts. You've got a job to do. _

She laid a file on his desk after the prisoner had been booked and processed. He glanced at it before finally looking up at her.

Bo: I don't see you for ten years and it doesn't even warrant a hello. I'm hurt.

Nora: Hello Bo. Better now?

Bo: Not particularly.

He tried to focus on the task at hand but all he could think about was her. He hadn't seen his ex wife for ten years and yet here she was standing in front of him with a new career and… and how was it possible that she could look exactly the same as when she left.

Nora: What? Why are you looking at me like I have two heads?

Bo: Nothing… It's just… Oh damn it Nora, how is it possible that you still look incredible. Don't you ever age?

Nora (Laughing slightly): What's it to you? YOU'RE the one who… never mind. We don't really want to get into this now do we?

Bo: Maybe we should. You're obviously still bitter about something. Maybe it's something we should discuss.

Nora:_ Bitter? You think I'm bitter? Now why in the world would I be bitter about anything? _

Bo: Nora…

Nora: _Ok so I'm bitter_. But you'll have to forgive me if I'm not too thrilled about the stuff I read in the paper. You decided that our marriage wasn't worth fighting for and (Putting her hands up to stop him from continuing) yeah, I get it Bo. _I'm_ the one who threw it all away right? Well what about _you_ and YOUR responsibility. Are you EVER going to take ANY share of the blame or do you still want to wrap this up in a nice neat little package and put all the blame on me? Because if you want to do that then why don't you just come right out and say it. I'm _so _sick of men thinking they can just dance around what they _really _mean. And if you think you're going to snow me then think again. I'm no longer that naïve little girl who just believes every load of bull that men want to dish out. If you're LYING to me then I'll know it.

Bo: When in the world did you become so cynical?

Nora: Oh gee, I don't know. Maybe it was between the time that you threw me out of your life like yesterday's garbage and when you hopped in the sack with Lindsay… or hey, maybe it was when I lost custody of my son. Then again, you probably find that amusing don't you? That kid… the problem that wrecked our life…

Bo: Nora, for Gods sake, that's NEVER how I saw it. You loved that kid. I would NEVER wish for anything like that.

Nora: Well it doesn't matter what you wished for does it? Sam and his ridiculous lawyers got the whole world to paint me out as some … what's the term they use nowadays… a sl**, a wh**re. Take your pick because I can guarantee you that it wasn't as bad as what they said in court. And at the end of the day what did that all add up to? That I wasn't fit to raise my own kid.

Bo: But why? Why would he do that to you?

Nora: Why not? I left him. I didn't want to have a relationship with him after you left me. I guess he was just taking his revenge on me because I never loved him… I never wanted him… and I sure as hell didn't want a life with him. Then again, in _this _town, who really needs a reason right? I was the town pariah for slandering the GREAT Buchanan name. Why do you _think _I left? I didn't want to stick around and give everyone in this Godforsaken town the chance to break me. I didn't want to have to pretend that I didn't know when people were talking behind my back. And believe me Bo… I KNEW. There were whispers. There were crude jokes. Hell I almost lost my job because of it. Who would be stupid enough to stay where you're not wanted? Where everyone you used to know… who used to respect you… love you… where they all treat you like garbage… like you have some sort of virus that they don't want to catch. You know me better then that? Scratch that… You don't know me at all anymore. But you don't have to worry Bo… as soon as this case is over, I'll be out of your hair. I'll go back to living my life from coast to coast and you can go back to doing whatever it is you're doing these days.

Bo: Sounds pretty lonely if you ask me? What about your personal life? Are you _really _going to stand there and tell me you're not seeing anyone?

Nora: Again… what's it to you?

Bo: Nora, I'm just asking.

Nora (Pausing): Fine. The truth is that I don't have a personal life. I'm not saying that there haven't been offers but I always turn them down. All anyone ever wants from me is a one night stand and I don't do those anymore. Frankly I don't have time for relationships. And they'd just hold me back anyways.

Bo: Even if you love them?

Nora: Love? Who wants anything to do with love? The last time I allowed myself to get caught up in the illusion of happily ever after, I lost everything including myself. I _won't _make THAT mistake again.

Bo: So you're just going to give up on it all together?

Nora: I don't believe in love anymore Bo. I don't believe in magic. I did once. You ruined me for everyone else. And I don't know if that's a bad thing or not but its reality. _You_ might be able to go from one bed to the next but I can't. I loved you and you broke my heart. I don't EVER want to get that close again.

She was about to walk away when he stopped her.

Bo: Is that why you decided to give up practicing law and become an FBI agent?

Nora: No, I did _that_ because I needed something that didn't remind me of my past. And what do you know? It's something I'm actually good at. Who would have thought right?

Bo: Why would that surprise you? You've got a million different talents. Any one of them would suit you well.

She smiled when she turned to face him, trying to avoid his eyes.

Nora: I'll see you around Bo. Make sure you read what's in that file. We'll have a lot to talk about in the morning.

Before he had a chance to respond, she was out the door. He stood there watching her with sadness in his eyes. What the hell had happened to the woman he knew.

Bo (On the phone): I need to see you. It's a matter of life and death.

After he hung up the phone he took out the picture in his wallet. In ten yeas he had never been able to part with that one. Probably because it was all he had left of her.

Bo: What aren't you telling me Nora? What happened to you? It can't REALLY just be about the fact that we didn't last can it?

TBC


	2. Empty Part 2

Empty- Part 2

She walked up the familiar steps of Llanfair for the first time in over ten years. As she breathed in the scents of the rose garden she noticed how much it had changed and yet how very little it changed. Before she even had a chance to knock, the door was being opened and she was being pulled into a gigantic hug that was obviously just as much of a comfort to the woman giving it as it was to her. That was when she knew that as friends go, Viki Davidson was the only one she could count on indefinitely.

Nora: I wasn't sure you'd still be up. I'm not waking you am I?

Viki: Oh come on Nora… you're my best friend. I haven't seen you in years…

Nora: I missed you too.

They shared a knowing glance and walked inside where they shared a half gallon of ice cream.

Viki: I'm so glad you could make it. I was beginning to wonder if you would make it in time for my wedding.

Nora: I wouldn't miss it for the world. One of us has to be happy you know?

She paused momentarily before approaching the subject she knew was off limits to anyone else.

Viki: How are things with Bo?

Nora: Things are… well they're going.

Viki: Does that mean you're here on a case?

Nora: I am.

Viki: Is that all you want to say or do you want to talk about it?

Nora(Pausing): When did my life get so far out of control Viki? I feel like I'm drowning and there's no one here to pull me up?

Viki: you want a distraction or do you already have enough on your plate?

Nora: I could always use a distraction. What's it this time?

Viki: I'd like you to be my maid of honor. Natalie and Jess are bridesmaids but a mother can never choose between her kids. I'd like it if you would help make that decision a little bit easier.

Nora(Smiling): I would love to. When do I get to meet this mr Right?

Viki: How about tomorrow? We can have lunch.

Nora: That sounds perfect.

Viki: Good. And Nora?

Nora: Yeah?

Viki: I have a present for you. I was going to mail this but since you're here, I can give it to you now.

She went over to the desk and pulled out a picture. Nora felt the tears fall the minute she saw them.

Nora: Matthew. Oh God, he's getting so big. He must be a teenager by now. And I'm missing it all. I don't even know where he is. And the private investigator hasn't been able to find anything either. God when am I going to see my baby? Am I ever going to?

Viki walked over to her and pulled her into an embrace as she started to cry. Then she took her face in her hands and forced her to look at her.

Viki: what Sam did to you is despicable. I can't even imagine what it's like to live your life without your child for so long.

Nora: It's hell Viki. That's what it is. It's like I'm living in my own version of hell.

Viki: I understand that. But you know what? You're going to find him. Some day you're going to be reunited with your child…

Nora: And what if he hates me? What if he wants nothing to do with me? What if Sam brainwashed him?

Viki: Then you'll deal with that. The only thing you're NOT going to do is give up because you, Nora Hanen, are a fighter. And I will NOT let you quit on yourself. You got it?

Nora: Yeah, I got it. And Viki?

Viki: Yeah?

Nora: Thanks. Thanks for being the best friend I've ever known.

Viki: You're not too shabby yourself.

They both laughed slightly and Viki turned to Nora.

Viki: don't even THINK of leaving. As long as you are here, you will stay with me. I've got the room. And quite frankly I could use the company.

Nora: Well all right then. (Pause) What now?

Viki: How about I take you out and you can tell me how you and Bo are REALLY doing?

Nora: Viki…

Viki: Relax. You'll have all night to convince me that you're JUST here for a case.

She said nothing more as they walked out the door.

* * *

Bo sat at the desk in his office staring at a picture of Nora when Rex

walked in.

Rex: Why did you sound so dire on the phone? What's going on?

Bo: My ex wife is back in town.

Rex: Uh- oh. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Bo: It could be either.

Rex: So what do you want me to do?

Bo: I want you to find out where Sam Rappaport is living these days?

Rex: Isn't that the person who…

Bo: Do me a favor and DON'T say it.

Rex: Ok. But why do you want to find him?

Bo: Because he stole Nora's son.

Rex: Stole?

Bo: Well not really stole. But he cheated in the custody battle. He said things that shouldn't have been said. He used her mistakes against her. And now she's not even allowed to see her own kid. Have you seen her Rex? She's so damn cynical. I have to do something or I'm afraid that she's going to just sink so far inside herself that I'll never see her again.

Rex: Do you want to?

Bo: Do I want to what?

Rex: See her again. Is that what you want? Is that why you're trying to track down Sam and reunite her with her son. Do you want her back?

Bo: What I want is for Nora to be Ok. And right now she's not.

Rex: and what happens when she is? Are you going to go back to not wanting her or have you changed your mind? At least be honest about the real reason you're doing this?

Bo: Rex, I…

Rex: I know. Come on… you haven't eaten all day. We're going out for a burger. Then you can tell me why you've suddenly decided that the woman you swore you'd never forgive is now the only thing you can think of. And don't even THINK of denying it because I know you to well. It's written all over your face.

He said nothing more as they headed for the door.

TBC


	3. Empty Part 3

**Empty-Part 3**

The smoky filled air that filled Rodi's was the same as when she left it. The only thing that had changed since she left was the owners… everything else was exactly the same. Viki ordered them a couple glasses of wine to calm Nora's rattled nerves and they went to sit at a table in the back of the room.

Viki: I know when you're trying to avoid something. And you can sit here and tell me that you came back for a case all you want but I know there's more.

Nora: Of course there is. I came back for your wedding.

Viki: Nora, would you_ please_ stop doing that? Something's wrong. And I've got a sneaking suspicion that it has something to do with Bo. Why can't you admit that?

Nora (Pausing): Viki, I can't go back there ok. Too much has happened. If I don't keep this professional…

Viki: What? What's the worst thing that can happen?

Nora: _Are you kidding me? Famous last words_.

Viki: Ok but you know that I know everything that happened. And I know what happened afterwards.

Nora: You don't have to worry Viki. I'm not going to try to kill myself again.

Viki: Can you PLEASE talk to me about that? I've been trying to get that out of you for years and you won't talk to me. You won't talk to anyone. Did something happen Nora? I mean I know you had just lost Bo and then you lost Custody of Matthew…

Nora: You were the _only_ person who stood up for me in court. When you testified, you have no idea what it meant to me or how heartbroken I was when they ripped you to shreds. Everyone else… they all acted like I was a danger to him… like I would EVER hurt my own Child. And Rachel was in prison so she couldn't tell them anything… which of course was used against me too. And when they told me that I had not only lost custody of him, but that I wasn't even allowed to see him or know where he was or My God even have a look at him…. I lost it. I tried to track him down. I even got as far as being able to hold him but Sam had me arrested when I did. They ripped him out of my arms Viki. And then someone broke into my house and took the only things I had left of him. It was as if my baby had died. I wasn't allowed to love him. And I missed Bo so much that it made everything worse. I didn't have a single thing left in my life that mattered. So yes… I tried to kill myself. I swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills and tried to put myself out of my misery. But it didn't work… YOU saved my life.

Viki: What do you mean?

Nora: That phone call you made to me. It happened right before the pills took effect and I called 911. You made me realize that I was still important to someone and that I should keep fighting. I'm sorry I worried you. Back then you were the ONLY one who cared. And I'm sorry if I didn't think about that. Or you. You know that I love you. You're like a sister to me.

Viki: Well I would have flown down right then and there if you hadn't sworn that you'd go to a doctor. So tell me Nora? Are you still seeing someone?

Nora: As hard as this is going to sound coming from me, I'm actually in counseling. And I'm taking anti depressants because I've been diagnosed as clinically depressed. It's been ten years and I still haven't stopped being sad. For a while it was so bad that I couldn't even get out of bed. Now I'm actually able to do my job and do it well.

Viki: But you still go home alone. Nora isn't it time you found someone to make you happy? Why do you still close yourself off?

Nora: The truth? (Pause) The truth is that nobody could ever measure up to Bo. I gave everything I had when I loved him. When he left, he took all I had with him. I don't have the strength to give that much anymore. And honestly, nobody's ever wanted anything more then just a roll in the hay and even though I've tried to take a few of those offers when I was lonely enough, they always made me feel worse in the end. I'm not cut out for a strictly physical relationship Viki. I want more.

Viki: And you deserve more. I just have one question for you?

Nora: What?

Viki: Is the reason you're avoiding relationships because you and Bo didn't last or because you're still holding out hope that you could be something again?

Nora: I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at?

Viki: Did you come back to Llanview for Bo?

* * *

Bo saw Nora out of the corner of his eye when they walked in but Rex pulled him aside and they took their own table near the front of the room.

Rex: Are you crazy? If you go up there now, you're going to ruin the whole thing?

Bo: I just want to talk to her.

Rex: About what exactly? If you give away enough clues then you're never going to find out where Sam is. And if you don't find out where Sam is then Nora's not going to see her son again.

Bo: Rex, I…

Rex: Stop. Stop blowing this off. You and I both know what this is really about?

Bo: And what might that be oh wise one?

Rex: You're still carrying a torch for her.

Bo: Rex, that's crazy. Nora and I ended years ago. I…

Rex: What? You almost married quite a few women didn't you? Well guess what Bo? You DIDN'T marry them. And why didn't you marry them huh?

Bo: It's complicated.

Rex: No it's not. I'll tell you why you didn't marry them… they weren't Nora. You can sit here and try to brush it off all you want but I know you and I know that in ten years you haven't stopped loving her. That's why you're still single. You can't stop comparing every woman you meet to her.

Bo: Is there a point to this?

Rex: Bo you need to figure out what you want. Trying to find her son for her is a nice gesture but NOT if you're only doing it to alleviate your guilt.

Bo: MY guilt? What in the world are you talking about?

Rex: you feel guilty that you didn't try to help her before she lost custody of her son.

Bo: I didn't even know. How could I feel guilty?

Rex: Why didn't you know? Because you made her think that you hated her. But that's not true is it? You could never hate Nora if you tried.

Bo: Rex, this is ridiculous.

Rex: Is it? Because what I see right now is a man who is trying desperately not to let the woman he still loves know that he still loves her. And that's ok if that's the way you want to play it. But honestly Bo, what's the point? She's miserable. You're miserable. Why can't you just say that you're sorry?

Bo: There's a lot more to it then something you can just say you're sorry for.

Rex: Why? If you love someone enough then you forgive them… or you at least TRY to. Are you saying you don't love Nora enough? Are you saying that all those years you spent with her… all that history… all that love… are you saying it doesn't matter?

Bo: What I'm saying is… Oh never mind. You don't get it. You don't get what it's like to love someone so much that they really are the center of your world and in the next minute they're not… you have to find a new center. How can I just snap my fingers and go back to that time when she was the only thing that mattered? Too much time has passed. Too much has happened.

Rex: Too much to not know that they're playing your song?

* * *

Nora: Did I come back for Bo? What kind of question is that?

Viki: An honest one and you're still dodging the question.

She didn't get a chance to ponder further when Bo came around the corner and grabbed her hand.

Bo: Sorry Viki. I need to borrow you're date for a second. (To Nora) I Believe They're Playing Our Song.

He led her out to the dance floor, despite the fact that she didn't really want to be there. Or at least that's what her mind said. Her heart was a different story all together. And when he pulled her close, she could feel her heart doing flip flops, despite the fact that she refused to look at him and he refused to look at her. It was funny how you could feel the heat even when you weren't making eye contact. They hadn't said a single word to each other and when the song ended, she couldn't avoid his gaze as they stopped and stared. To the outside world they could have been making love with their eyes. But to each other, it was just two people who had loved and lost and were afraid to take the risk again. Nora ran out of the room in tears and against his better judgment he followed her. There's no way they could have prepared for what happened next.

TBC


	4. Empty Part 4

**Empty- Part 4**

The rain had started to come down so hard she wasn't sure where her tears ended and the storm began. She was standing at the edge looking down into the ravine. It had been a long time since she had tried to take her own life but so easy to understand why. Bo had found it so easy to walk away… to wash his hands of her… to act like everything they were meant nothing at all. And then she had lost her son. And sometimes she wondered whether it was harder to have to burry a child the way Bo did or to have to spend your life without them as if they really WERE dead. She hadn't come up with an answer.

Bo: Nora… Nora would you please talk to me? Would you just step away from that ledge? You're scaring the hell out of me.

Nora: Why? Why do you care? You're done with me. You've moved on. What do you care if I can't? Why do you care at all what I do with my life? You stopped HAVING that right when you decided that I wasn't good enough to fight for?

Bo: Come on Nora. That's not what it was and you know it.

Nora: Do I? Why would I know that Bo? Why would I know A Damn Thing? You _never _tried to stop me when I left town and I gave you _every_ opening. You _never once_ picked up the phone and tried to find me. It's as if I don't even exist in your world anymore. And then… then I pick up the newspaper one day and find out that you almost married Lindsay. You didn't think that _maybe_ that would warrant some sort of warning Bo? You didn't think I deserved more then to be blind- sided like that?

Bo: Nora, For Gods sake I didn't know where you were. You didn't leave a forwarding address.

Nora: Why would I? I had no ties left here. And you know damn well that you could have found me if you really wanted to. I left a paper trail a mile wide.

Bo: What's going on Nora? What is this all about?

Nora (Stepping off of the ledge): Do you know easy it would be for me to jump? I almost did it once… except back then I did it with pills. If it wasn't for Viki, I would either be dead or in some irreversible coma.

Bo: You… you tried to kill yourself?

Nora: That's right. I was so depressed that I just didn't want to live anymore. I know you understand that because you lost Drew. But for me, I almost think its worse. See as hard as it was for you to loose your son, at least you got closure. There was a body… you got to say goodbye. There was no hope that he would come back into your life. How do you say goodbye to a child that you don't even know? I've spent the good part of a decade trying to find some way to put my child behind me because I've been forced to live as if he was dead. But I don't get that closure Bo. I can't have a memorial and lay him to rest. He's growing up without me and I'm not allowed to be a part of it… I'm not allowed to love him or even to say goodbye. It's as if he didn't even exist.

Bo: He Existed Nora. He existed to you. Nobody can take that away from you.

Nora: So how do I fill up the hole where my child used to be? How do I go on living when I just want to close my eyes and never wake up?

Bo: Is that really how you feel? Do you really think that your life is that insignificant?

Nora (Pausing): Sometimes. Sometimes I feel like everyone would just be better off without me. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would even miss me.

Bo: I would.

Nora: You would what?

Bo: Miss you. You don't know how lonely my life has been since you've been out of it.

Nora: You're the one who wanted it that way. Not me.

Bo: I didn't want you to just up and leave.

Nora: Well then what DID you want? You didn't want to be married to me anymore. You didn't want to be my friend. What did you expect me to do? Did you want me to stay in town and be used as a punching bag because I'm sorry Bo but not even YOU are worth that? You treated Criminals better then you treated me. And I didn't want to stick around and watch the train wreck.

Bo: What do you mean?

Nora: You and the endless slew of tramps you brought into your bed and then almost married. You really think I wanted to watch that knowing that it could have been me? You really think I wanted to put myself through ANY of that? And Lindsay… Lindsay was the worst of all. When you almost married her, you might as well of stuck a knife through my heart because that's what it felt like. Does it feel good Bo…? Does it feel good to know that you _finally_ got your revenge? That you finally did the ONE thing you knew would destroy me.

Bo: Do you REALLY think I wanted to hurt you?

Nora: Didn't you?

Bo_: No… For Gods sake Nora, I wasn't looking for any kind of revenge. I wasn't trying to hurt you. The last thing in this world I would EVER want to do is hurt you. _

Nora: You could have fooled me.

She turned away from him as the rain continued to fall.

Bo: You and I aren't even….

Nora (Cutting off his words): _Aren't what Bo? I can't even give a name for what we are? I can tell you what were not? We're not married, we're not lovers, we're not even friends anymore. So what exactly are we Bo? _

He said nothing as she turned around to face him.

Nora: See that's what I thought. You don't know any more then I do. And you seem to only care about women who commit numerous crimes anyways.

Bo: I don't understand why this is still such a big deal. I didn't marry her.

She turned around in a fit of rage and started to shake him when she walked towards him.

Nora: _You don't understand? You don't understand? _What _the hell is wrong with you Bo? _This is the woman who is about 90% responsible for breaking us up? But I guess that doesn't matter to you does it? Because all YOU see is _my_ blame. You've been able to forgive unspeakable things over the years but me… I guess I'm just not good enough am I?

Bo: _Would you stop? Why do you keep insisting that you're not good enough?_

Nora: Because it's how I feel. Its how _you_ MADE me feel. And I'm sorry if I'm being too difficult for you but….

She felt his lips brush against hers in a soft gentle way at first. And the part of her that still loved him just reacted. She kissed him back. She wrapped her arms around him as he deepened the kiss. She wanted to have the strength to pull away but she just didn't. She knew that they were playing with fire and she didn't care.

Bo: I had to shut you up somehow didn't I?

_Why was it so hard for him to breathe when she was this close to him? _

He took his hand and brushed the hair back from her face and just looked at her. She was trying to walk away but for some reason her feet were planted firmly on the floor and she couldn't get herself to leave the room. Maybe she didn't want to.

_What had they been fighting about? He couldn't even remember anymore._

He could have walked away then. It would have been smart to walk away then. But when had they EVER been smart.

TBC


	5. Empty Part 5

Empty- Part 5

_They always said lightning couldn't strike you twice… they were wrong. _

She had always been good at walking away. Usually she was the one who was the first to go. She could also say that she was good at rationalization. No matter what had happened, she always had a good excuse for why it wasn't a big deal. She had spent the last ten years as living proof of that. _"Oh it's no problem that Bo doesn't love me anymore. I'm fine with it. We just weren't meant to be."_ What a load of bull that was. If she was so fine with it then why did her heart feel light… why did she feel her knees buckle and why was her mind unable to get a rational thought attached to it… why did she feel like she was going to pass out from the butterflies in her stomach? And why was it physically impossible for her feet to move one inch from where she stood. Why couldn't she catch her breath? If it wasn't love, she didn't have a clue what it was. And if this was just a dream she didn't want to wake up.

_It should be illegal to look so damn good. It should be a felony to taste like everything he imagined heaven would be. _

The rain was starting to drench them now. He could still smell the after affects of her perfume and the scent of shampoo still left in her hair from hours before. The way she let her hair fall just below her neck as she looked at him with those gorgeous brown eyes made him remember why he was always so captivated. Every move she made turned him on. And she didn't even know she was doing it. And that made her all the more sexy.

He could see the wheels in her head turning and he wondered if she knew that she was one of the only people he knew who could still blow his mind with what she came up with. She was smart… hell she was a genius sometimes… but more then that she was funny. She just had this incredible knack of making him laugh until he cried. And that smile… could still bring him to his knees even now. It could either break his heart or make him feel like a million bucks. He still wasn't sure which one she was giving him tonight.

_It was like riding a bicycle. You never forgot how wonderful it was… or how bad it hurt when you fell. Which end of the spectrum would she be on after tonight? _

It had long passed the point of kissing now. She felt them brush against the car. She looked up at him as she let her hair fall just the way he liked it. She was sitting on top of the hood now. He pulled away only so he could look at her. When her eyes said the same thing as his, he reached for the buttons on her shirt. Slowly he unfastened them as their eyes stayed locked on each other. Once her shirt was open he moved his mouth to her bare skin and she closed her eyes to take in all the attention he was giving her. When she opened them again, she took her hands and unfastened his tie. Then she slowly reached for his shirt and managed to get it over his head with very little trouble. They stared at each other for a brief moment before she took one hand and moved it across his chest as she took her mouth and started to trail kisses across his bare skin. When she looked up, he pulled her into a kiss more passionate then the last. Before she knew what was happening, they were sitting on top of the hood, their bodies entwined. She was practically sitting in his lap as they kissed passionately. And just as he started to reach for the zipper on her skirt, she finally managed to catch her breath as she slowed it down.

Nora: Shouldn't we go somewhere a little more private?

Looking around, he realized that they were making out on top of his car in the middle of a major storm and that probably wasn't a very smart move. They laughed slightly as he kissed her one more time.

Bo: I guess that's probably a good idea. I wouldn't want to have to arrest myself for indecent exposure?

Nora (Grinning): Nothing indecent about it.

Getting the meaning behind her words, he smiled as he opened the car door for her. And just like she knew she would, she followed. It didn't matter what had happened between them or how mad she was… she didn't have the strength to say no. Whether it was for one night or a lifetime_, he_ was her addiction. And she wanted that High more then she wanted to breathe. And that scared the hell out of her.

TBC


	6. Empty Part 6

Empty- Part 6

The rain was coming down hard now. Weather reports said they expected snow within the hour and considering that by the time they reached their destination, it had already turned into hail, he wasn't surprised. He wished that the weather was on their side because he knew that Nora was a lady who deserved more then a rendezvous in the stables… then again, maybe that was simply where they were meant to be since they always seemed to find their way back there.

After retrieving some blankets from the trunk, he went to open Nora's door. They stood kissing in the rain for a few moments and then hurried inside the stables before the hail took over. It was amazing how they always had those few seconds of rain before the hail. And if there was one thing he always loved, it was kissing a beautiful woman in the rain. He could still taste the salt on her skin and feel the aroma where the rain had touched her. Brushing the hair back from her face, he simply looked at her. He wondered how long it had been since he _really_ did that. He _certainly_ didn't do it when he walked out on her. And it still amazed him how even after all these years she could still take his breath away. He hadn't even laid eyes on her in over a decade and she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Somehow she only got better looking as time went on. And it made him regret the fact that she wasn't his anymore. _Stupid Move Bo… Stupid, stupid move._

Nora went to sit on the hay where Bo had put the blanket down and he followed her. But instead of sitting down next to her, he kneeled in front of her and took her hands in his. He gently kissed her fingers as he moved his way up her arms until his fingers found the buttons of her shirt again. She closed her eyes to take in the pleasure she felt when he undid her blouse and slipped it off her shoulders, placing a kiss on each one. He moved his hands towards her bra as he kissed her and she cried out in ecstasy as he unhooked the strap and took her mouth in his in a kiss that fulfilled everything she had been missing for the last ten years. She looked up at him and saw the desire reflected in his eyes. Tonight they had no past and no future… just now. And right now she wanted more then anything to make love to him and forget all the pain she was in. So she lifted the shirt over his head and placed kisses on his chest. She wrapped her arms around him as he pulled her skirt off. He kissed her all the way up and she was going crazy with desire. Then she found his pants and practically tore them off in a wave of urgency and began to trail kisses up his body. He turned her around in his arms and began kissing the back of her neck. When their lips met again, it was the kind of kiss that left you breathless… and wanting more. He gently laid her down on the blanket and let his hands linger for just a moment, letting the urgency intensify. He took her closer and closer to the climax as he continued to seduce her slowly until neither one of them could take it anymore and they erupted in passion. The urgent way they made love left them both a little shaken but still with a feeling of complete ecstasy. They lay in each other's arms watching the snowstorm outside. And after their breaths slowed, they made love again, this time without the urgency. After Bo fell asleep, Nora lay in his arms and cried.

She moved herself out of his grasp and went to watch the snow. For a few hours she had forgotten why she was really here and it was wonderful. But in the real world, she couldn't afford to forget. She had come back for a specific reason and if she allowed herself to be side tracked then it would all be shot to hell… and people she cared about could end up dead.

Wiping the tears from her face, she put her clothes back on and left. Bo woke up a little while later and found her gone. He was a little disappointed but not surprised. Nora was obviously troubled about something. And she didn't trust anyone to be there for her. She trusted Sam and he ripped her son out of her arms. She trusted in _him_ and he walked away from her without a fight. Why would she trust him now? He hadn't given her a single reason to believe he had changed… and the truth was that he wasn't entirely sure that he had. Until he figured out what he wanted, he couldn't ask her to take a gamble on him… especially not when lives could be at stake.

Nora walked into Llanfair a little while later and found Viki waiting up for her. They sat by the fire and drank hot Coco.

Viki: You want to tell me what happened or should I guess?

Nora (Pausing): I slept with Bo.

Viki: Ok? so how was it?

Nora (Smiling slightly): Wonderful. (Pause) For a few hours I forgot that my life is in shambles and you know what? It felt good. I just wanted to be held tonight. I wanted someone to hold me and make me remember what it felt like to be loved. I wanted to believe that I would be ok again.

Viki: Nora, you ARE ok?

Nora: No, I'm not. I'm FAR from being ok. (Pause) I was standing on the bridge tonight before he showed up and the first thing that popped into my mind was how easy it would be to jump.

Viki: Oh Nora. I thought you were past that.

Nora: Most days I am. But I had a bad day. I'm beginning to wonder if they're _all _bad. (She looked at her) Why do you _think _I became an FBI agent? I knew I would fill my life up with that so I wouldn't have time to think because when I think, I remember, and when I remember then I want to numb myself. I spend every second of every day wondering how I'll get through it. Every second of every day is agony… every second of every night is fear… But tonight… tonight I was just too tired to fight it. I am so damn tired…tired of hurting… tired of crying myself to sleep every night and dreaming about my son and then waking up and realizing that he's not there… tired Of dreaming about a life with Bo and then remembering that I don't have that anymore. So yeah… I allowed myself to get caught up in the moment… because THAT is the ONE thing that was NEVER a problem with us. It's everything else I'm not sure of… everything else I can't trust.

Viki: I hate to see you like this. I hate to see you hurt so much for so long. Why can't you just trust in something? In someone? You deserve that Nora. You deserve to be happy.

Nora: I'll never be happy without my child. If I trust in something it ALWAYS costs me. I trusted Bo and he broke my heart. I trusted Sam and he ripped my child out of my arms. I can't trust in that again. Lives could depend on it.

Viki: How so?

Nora: You were right when you said I came back for Bo. I came back because his life could be in danger. Hell, all the Buchanan's could be in danger. I need to make sure this case is wrapped up before someone I care about ends up in a body bag.

Viki: Nora…

Nora: I can't ok. I can't give you specifics. I'm already on probation as it is. (Pause) Look, what I can tell you is that someone has it in for the Buchanan's… or at least that's what they want us to believe.

Viki: You don't believe they're the targets?

Nora: No. I think they're a front. But it doesn't really matter because there's a serial killer running around. And I need you to be careful Viki. All of you do. I'm going to do the best I can to keep you safe but I can't be everywhere 24-7. And if my superiors find out about me and Bo…

Viki: What?

Nora: They could pull me from the case and that would be a big mistake….

Viki: Why?… Nora what aren't you telling me?

Nora (Pausing): This stays between us. I mean it Viki. This is classified information.

Viki: You know you can trust me. (Holding up her hand) I swear. I won't tell another living soul.

Nora (Pausing): I think the real target is me. Don't ask me why but it's just a feeling I get. That's why I practically begged them to put me on the case. If someone is out there committing murders to get to me then I want to know why. And you can bet that I will do EVERYTHING in my power to keep Bo and the rest of his family safe. We might not have lasted but I will NOT let anyone hurt him or his family. They want to get to them, they go through ME first.

TBC


	7. Empty Part 7

Empty- Part 7

She was sitting at the bar nursing her third beer when John walked in. Without saying a word, he sat down next to her and picked up some peanuts.

John: Is this how you want to spend the morning of one of our biggest cases? Getting drunk… again?

Nora: Are you SERIOUSLY going to stand there and lecture me… Today… of all days.

John: What makes today so different then… oh. It's Matthew's birthday.

Nora: Yes. So you'll have to forgive me if I'm not being as perfect as you think I should be.

John: Nora I'm sorry. I know how much you miss him. But you need to lay off the booze. You and I both know what happened the last time you fell off the wagon.

Nora: How can I forget?_ Nobody_ will let me live that down.

John: What's going on? You didn't… Oh Nora. You saw Bo didn't you?

Nora: Depends on what you mean by _saw?_

John: Please tell me you didn't

Nora: Ok, I won't say it.

John: _Are you crazy?_ If anyone finds out about this then our whole case is sunk.

Nora: _Don't_ _you think I've thought about that?_ It doesn't make things any easier. (Pause) Haven't you ever been in love with someone? Haven't you ever wanted someone even when you KNOW you shouldn't?

John: I think you know the answer to that.

Nora: Yeah I do. So PLEASE don't lecture me right now. I'm barely hanging on as it is. And you want to know why? (Pause) Because now that I've _had_ a taste of everything I've _ever_ wanted again then it suffocates me. I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop wishing things could be different.

John: You're still in love with him aren't you?

Nora: If you repeat this to anyone then I'll deny it. (Pause) But yes. Yes I love him. I don't think there was EVER a time when I Didn't. But that's not what matters right now… What matters is that someone wants to hurt him and it's up to _me_ to stop that. I know that I can't let my emotions interfere or he could end up dead just like that poor child a few years back.

John: Nora, I didn't bring it up to make you suffer. You've been carrying around that guilt for years and it _wasn't_ your fault. How could you have known…?

Nora: If I had been sober then I would have.

John: Nora, there's _no way_ you could _possibly_ know that. You made a mistake.

Nora: A mistake that cost an innocent child her life. You know that I still have nightmares about that? I was supposed to get her out of there. Instead she was led out in a body bag. And that was MY fault because I wasn't prepared… I wasn't sober enough to be working.

John: Nora, you've paid for that mistake ten times over. Let it go. Stop punishing yourself.

Nora: How can I trust anyone when I can't trust myself? Do you know how much I WANT to trust Bo? God, I love him. Being with him last night just made me remember how much. But I can't. I can't be with him because I can't trust him and I trust _myself_ even less. Every day is a struggle.

John: You haven't tried to kill yourself again have you?

Nora: The thoughts were there but I was able to fight my way back this time. I don't want to feel this way John. I don't want to live this way. I just don't know how to get past it. (Pausing) Look, I've got to go. I'm supposed to meet Bo to go over paperwork.

John: You're not…

Nora: I'm not stupid. I know I can't tell him everything. But you don't know Bo the way I do. If I don't tell him_ something_ he's going to figure it out. (Pause) Please John… can you just trust me one more time?

John: Nora, you're my partner. Of course I trust you. I went to bat for you because I believed you were the best person for the job. But I _can't _sit back and watch you self destruct. If you _don't_ lay off the drinking then I'm going to have to intervene.

Nora: I thought you said you didn't blame me?

John_: I don't_ but that doesn't mean I want you going back there. Please get some help.

Nora: I don't _need_ any help. I'm fine.

And with that she got up and walked away. John just watched her.

John: Oh Nora, you are _so_ far from being fine.

* * *

She walked into his office and shut the door. They shared an awkward look before she sat down.

Nora: Did you read the file?

Bo: I did. Looks like we have a serial killer on our hands?

Nora: We do. And any one of us could be a target.

Bo: You know I'll do whatever I can to help.

Nora: Good… because I'm going to need it. We have to work together on this. You think you can handle that?

Bo: I can if you can.

Nora (Pausing): I can handle _anything_. You _know_ that.

She started to walk away when he stopped her.

Bo: Nora, would you _stop_ running away? I know what today is. I know what it is to miss your child.

Nora: I'm _not_ doing this with you. I'm not…

Bo: Why? Because you think I would feel _anything_ less just because he's your child with Sam? Nora, for God sakes, he's a part of you. I get that. Right now the _only_ thing I know is that you are NOT ok. You're putting on an awfully good show but you're forgetting who you're talking to. So STOP pretending that you're anything but what you are.

Nora: And how the hell would you know WHAT I am? YOU walked out on me. YOU abandoned me. YOU gave up on our marriage without even fighting…

He grabbed her hand and pulled her into his arms. She fought him at first but she eventually just gave in and collapsed in tears. They both sunk to the floor as she put her head in his lap and cried. He stroked her hair as he held her closer.

Bo: It's ok baby. It's ok. You're safe now. Just let it all out. I promise I won't abandon you. Never again, I swear. Never again.

TBC


	8. Empty Part 8

Empty- Part 8

She lifted her head off his lap and they just stared at each other. When the tears trickled down her face, he took his hands and wiped them away.

Bo: you know I always hated to see you cry.

Nora (Half laughing): But you never had any problem being the reason for it.

She tried to get up off the floor but he wouldn't let her leave. He took his hands and brushed the hair back from her face so he could look at her. For the first time he could see the pain hidden behind her broken smile.

Bo: I wish you would talk to me. There's so much more pain that you're suffering alone. I just want to help you. Why is that so hard for you to understand?

Nora: Because every time I trust you, you break my heart. (Pause) I gave you my heart completely Bo. And you not only broke it, you stomped on it. You shattered it into a million tiny pieces. And now I don't know how to put those pieces back together. I've been trying to start my life over for years and I can't. I can't live my life without you. I don't even know where you end and I begin.

He opened his mouth to say something but no words would come out. He took her hand and pulled her up off the ground. Then they walked out of the office together. At first, she thought he was taking her back to Llanfair but then he made a surprise turn and they walked into his apartment. She smiled when she saw the mess it was in.

Nora: You never change do you?

Bo: Well I'm a bachelor. What do you expect?

She gave him a look that told him she was surprised and he suddenly took both her hands in his and smiled.

Bo: It's not as easy for me to move on as you think. You are just not replaceable

She laughed slightly as she went to look in his icebox.

Nora: Just as I suspected… bare.

Bo: Are you hungry?

Nora: I'm ALWAYS hungry.

Bo: Then why don't you make yourself at home and I'll go pick up a pizza.

Nora: Bo, you don't…

Bo: its five minutes away Nora. I don't mind.

Nora: Ok.

After he closed the door, she took another look at his floor.

Nora: I don't know how you men ever live in such a mess.

She laughed as she fumbled through his things and ended up discovering that even though he had changed houses, he always kept his stuff in the same place.

Nora: I don't know whether you being predictable is a good thing or a bad thing.

She laughed as she finally made the decision to go use his shower. Once she was under the hot water, her stress began to melt away. Until she imagined that he was standing beside her kissing her.

Nora: Snap out of it Nora. Snap out of it.

* * *

Bo walked into the apartment a little while later and heard the water on in his shower. He knew it was probably not a very smart thing for him to find that so amusing but he liked imagining her in his shower, in his house… in his bed. But when he put the pizza down, he realized that it was more then that. For ten years she hadn't even been a remote part of his life and he missed that. For ten years she had been miles away… it was as if she no longer existed to him and he spent all that time trying to fill a void that could never be filled. The simple fact was that he wanted her in his life… hell he NEEDED her in his life.

He smiled when he looked at the apartment that had now been rearranged.

Bo: You never change, do you Red?

When he heard the water stop he made his way upstairs to see if she needed any extra clothes since the ones that she had on had gotten wet from the storm that still hadn't let up. When he walked in the room she was standing at the mirror wearing nothing but a towel. It still amazed him how she could completely knock him off his feet with her beauty. He had NEVER known ANYONE to look more sexy in a towel… she had completely ruined any chance any other woman ever had because she took his breath away… and she made him want to taste her again.

He walked into the bathroom and very skillfully managed to " trap" her between the door and the counter. She just smiled at him, obviously not caring if she ever left the room.

Bo: I was going to ask you if you needed a change of clothes but I can see that you're doing fine in that area.

Nora: Is that a come on Mr. Buchanan?

Bo: Well if _you_ can't tell then I'm doing something wrong.

She laughed as he wrapped his arms around her until she was encircled in his arms. Then he started to kiss her. She pulled away only briefly to study his eyes.

Nora: You know… if you wanted to sleep with me then you could have just asked.

Bo: I think this way is much better.

She laughed as he lifted her up on the counter and loosened the towel until it fell to the floor.

Nora: I think I'm at a disadvantage here cowboy. You have got WAY too many clothes on.

Bo: Oh yeah? And just what are you going to do about it?

Nora: I have my ways.

He laughed when she began to undress him in a way that was far more sexy then anything he'd ever experienced before. They spent a few moments kissing on the counter. Then he lifted her up in his arms and she encircled her legs around him as he walked them to the bed, still kissing. They practically fell on the bed, in a desperate attempt to be with each other. After making mad passionate love for hours, Nora turned to him with questions in her eyes.

Nora: What exactly does this mean Bo? I mean is it just _incredible_ sex or does it mean more?

Bo: Do you WANT it to mean more?

Nora: Would you quit answering a question with a question?

Bo(Pausing): Ok, moment of truth now… Do or die.

Nora: That sounds ominous.

Bo: It could be. You could run screaming into the night after I tell you this.

Nora: Or I could stay right here in your arms forever. If you don't tell me the truth then you'll never know. I'm _not_ risking my heart on a man that _can't _open up to me… I've been burned too many times before.

Bo: Nora I… I miss you damn it. I miss having you in my life. But most of all I miss my best friend.

TBC


	9. Empty Part 9

Empty- Part 9

She turned to look at him, the tears still welling in her eyes, and she still wasn't sure that she had heard him correctly. Everything felt like a wonderful dream that she would soon be waking up from and she was afraid of just how much it would hurt when that happened. Her life had never been easy but these past ten years had been torture and now she was living in a nightmare she wasn't sure would end. The worst of it finds her staring off into the night, imagining the life being sucked out of her and the best of it includes days and nights of tears she can't seem to stop. Why would she think that she deserved a life that included any kind of happiness when she felt like a failure in every sense of the word?

Nora: I'm going to need something more from you Bo? We've gone down this road before and it _always_ left me with more questions then answers.

Bo: I know that you don't trust me.

Nora: Can you blame me? I spent years trying to mold myself into this person that you could love again but no matter what I did it was _never _enough and eventually I realized that I didn't want to change who I was just so you would forgive me. And as it turns out, it _really_ didn't matter what I did because you still hated me.

Bo: Do you _honestly_ think I could ever hate you?

Nora: How could I think anything else? (Pause) Bo, you hooked up with the_ one_ person on this entire planet that wanted to hurt me. Are you saying that wasn't spiteful?

Bo: Maybe it was but it _wasn't _done intentionally.

Nora: How can you be that dense? Did you _really_ think that would cause me ANYTHING but pain and misery?

Bo: I don't know how many times I can say I'm sorry for that.

Nora: As many as it takes for me to believe you. (Pause) Look, I don't trust you. Not after everything that has happened. I WANT to trust you… more then you know. But right now I just see all talk and no action. And sleeping with you… as wonderful as it is… _doesn't_ make me stupid. I'm _not_ going to go falling into your arms and suddenly forget all the pain you've caused me… or even the pain that I've caused you.

Bo: So what do you want from me then?

Nora: If you have to ask then I don't want it. (She pulled herself out of his arms and started to put her clothes back on. She looked at him with pain in her eyes) If you _really_ mean what you say then you'll figure it out. I _can't_ tell you what to say because it doesn't mean a damn thing if you have to be coached. And I'm _not_ going to tell you what I need because I don't even know what that is. I just know it's more then this.

Bo: Can you just answer me one thing then?

Nora: I can try.

Bo: Do you still love me? Underneath all of that pain and anguish, is there still any sort of love left for me?

Nora (Pausing): I wish I could say otherwise but the truth is that I have _always _loved you. You make it very hard sometimes but why do you think I always come back? You have my heart. You may be a royal pain in the a## but you're MY Royal pain in the as#.

He laughed slightly as he finished getting dressed. Then he looked at her.

Bo: So if you feel this way then why can't we be together?

Nora: Because without trust, we have nothing. And quite frankly I don't have the energy to put into figuring out what you're not telling me. (She walked closer to him) I'm not sure you understand that I'm in hell every day of my life.

Bo: Nora, I DO get that. I see it every time you look at me and I just want to take your pain away.

Nora: Is that why you're trying so hard? Is this some form of pity because if it is…

He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into a passionate kiss.

Bo: The LAST thing I feel for you is Pity? Can't you feel it?

Nora: I don't trust what I feel.

Bo: why? Nora what is going on? Why are you so…? Oh I get it now.

Nora: Get what?

Bo: Why you're so determined to sacrifice your own happiness. You don't think you deserve it do you? You somehow think that _you're_ to blame for loosing your son and you feel like a terrible person.

Nora: Bo…

Bo: Go ahead Nora… convince me I'm wrong… Deny it?

Nora: Why should I? It's just some hair brained idea of yours.

Bo: is it?

Nora: I… Ok I admit it. I DO blame myself. I DON'T think I deserve to be happy. There, I said it. Are you happy now?

Bo: How could I be happy when _you're_ so miserable?

TBC


	10. Empty Part 10

Empty- Part 10

A few days later, Nora was sitting alone in the cramped place that had now become her office. She was trying to keep her mind in focus but she kept thinking back to a few nights before. _Why had she allowed him to get to her again? Why couldn't she ever leave well enough alone? Why had she broken yet another promise of never allowing him to see her cry again? Why had she given him the power to break her heart again? _Too many questions and not one of them had an answer. She was just about to shake her mind into focus when there was a knock at the door. She couldn't even imagine who even knew she was here except…

She was already gearing up for a fight when she saw that it was just a lone delivery man. She bit her tongue and smiled when he glanced at her for approval.

Man: Delivery for Nora Buchanan?

Nora: That would be Nora Hanen… (He looked at her in surprise and she realized she shouldn't have come off so bitter) Sorry… that's me.

When he handed her the flowers she gave him a tip and then smiled.

Nora: I didn't mean to bite your head off. I'm just having a bad day… wait; scratch that, a bad life.

Man: Whoever it is that put those tears in your eyes is a damn fool.

He said nothing more as he closed the door and she was left half smiling.

Nora: You're right… he is. I'm worth more then this.

She placed the bouquet on the table and picked up the card.

_Red, _

_I realize that I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now but too bad. I need you to know what you mean to me. I'm sorry for every bad thing I ever did to hurt you. I know it's going to take more then just a few pretty words and flowers…_

Nora: You're damn Right it will.

_But I also need you to know that if it takes me the rest of my life I'm going to find a way to let you know that letting you walk out of my life was the worst mistake I ever made. _

Nora: Do you really mean that Bo?

_And I know that you're probably trying to figure out if I mean that or not…_

Nora: What the hell? Are you reading my mind now?

_So let me just end by telling you that I love you more then words could ever say. I should have forgiven you a long time ago but I was too stubborn and too stupid to say the words I should have said a thousands times and look what it cost me…it cost me the love and the trust of the most important person in the world to me. I'm going to fix this Nora. Somehow I'm going to make it up to you. I'm going to find a way to make you remember why we were so perfect together… and I'm not just talking about great sex either… although believe me, that's a definite plus. _

Nora: Like I said, not everything about us was problematic.

_You want to know if you can trust me. I've realized that I have to give you a reason to so I'm going to tell you something that will either make you realize that I just want to be there for you or make you think that I've invaded your privacy. If it's the latter then I apologize in advance. I hired a private investigator to track down your son. _

Nora: YOU WHAT?

_Calm down Nora. I didn't do it to bring up more false leads. I wasn't even going to tell you until I found him but I think you would probably want to know why I had to go out of town. _

Nora: Did you find my son Bo? Are you bringing him back to me?

_I wish I could give you that answer sweetheart. Right now I just have a lead. I promise that as soon as I know anything, you will be the first to know. In the meantime, I want you to remember that I'm looking out for you. Open that envelope. No, don't think about it Nora. Just do it. _

She laughed when she realized that even in notes; he could still read her very well. When she opened the envelope, she was surprised when his wedding ring fell out.

Nora: What in the…

_I know we're not still married sweetie. But I know that you still wear your ring around your neck on a chain. Why don't you wear mine too for a while? Maybe the combination will bring you good luck. Lord knows you deserve some. I'll be back soon, hopefully with some good news. I love you. _

_Bo_

She paused only momentarily before adding his ring to hers and fastening the chain. She was in tears when John walked in.

John: Hey, what is it? Scratch that… it's Bo isn't it?

Nora: Isn't it _always_ Bo?

John: What did he do this time?

Nora (Pausing): He's trying to track down my son. He says he has a lead.

John: Ok, so isn't that a good thing?

Nora: It should be. I just have this terrible feeling that something is wrong with my son.

John: Nora, you're just worried. I'm sure Matthew is fine.

Nora: And what if he's not. What if my son is in some kind of trouble and I can't even be there to help him.

John: Then you have to trust that the man you love will take care of him.

Nora: I don't know how to trust anything anymore.

* * *

He dialed the familiar number as he pulled into the strange neighborhood. He was a million miles away but he wanted to hear her voice. He didn't want to speak to her directly because he knew she'd probably try to trace the call and he didn't want her here until he was sure it was safe so he called the house and got her message machine.

Bo: Hey Gorgeous. I'm pulling into the driveway right now and I just wanted to hear your voice. What are you wearing? Probably some sexy black number right? You always looked so delectable in whatever you wore so I am going to imagine you standing right next to me with those piercing eyes and contagious smile. And then I am going to dream of us making incredible love in the interrogation room. We should try that sometime you know? Ok so I said I wasn't going to make this about our sex life so why don't I just tell you that I think you're incredible in every sense of the word. Be safe. I'll call you when I can. I Love you. Sooner or later you are going to have to get used to that.

He hung up the phone and got a small smile, wondering what she might be thinking when she played that back. And hoping to god she was wearing something sexy when she did. Who was he kidding? She was sexy in _everything_ she wore. There should be a rule against looking that heavenly.

_Snap out if it Bo. Time to bring Nora's son home._

He knocked very loudly on the door and when Sam tried to close it upon realizing who it was, he pushed his way inside.

Bo: You know, I think it's time you and I had a little chat…

Sam: I have nothing to say to you.

Bo: Really? Well that's too bad because I have PLENTY to say to you. Starting with…

And with that he hauled off and slugged him, knocking him to the ground.

Bo: _That_ was for stealing Nora's son.

He hit him again

Bo: And_ that_ was for breaking her heart.

He hit him one more time

Bo: And _that _was for stealing her away from me.

Sam: What do you want?

Bo: That's simple. I want you to tell me where the hell you stashed Matthew?

Sam: You think I'm giving up my son?

Bo: Well if you don't then you're going to be in serious trouble with the law.

Sam: I didn't do anything wrong?

Bo: Oh you didn't huh? You don't consider lying to be a serious offense? Well I hate to break it to you Sam, but when you base all your evidence on fabrication then it's a crime.

Sam: You can't prove anything.

Bo: Do you REALLY want to stake your life on that? (Pause) Here's how it's going to go. You are either going to tell me where your son is or I'm going to search this house until I find him. And if you don't sign over your rights then I'll just have you arrested for interfering in a court case?

Sam: What are you talking about?

Bo: Haven't you heard? Nora's back in town… she's working on a case. And I would be willing to stake my life on the fact that you're up to your eyeballs in it. Who hates the Buchanan's more then you do? You just couldn't stand the fact that she didn't love you.

Sam: You don't know what you're talking about.

Bo: I know plenty. I know she was back in my bed almost immediately and she _wasn't_ thinking of you.

Sam: You're lying.

Bo: Really? Now why would I do that? We both know who she REALLY loved. Why don't you call her and ask her? Oh wait, you can't do that can you? Nora would be all over your address if you called… too bad… I guess you'll just have to take my word. (Pause) Where the hell is your son? Still not going to budge? Fine… I'll find him myself.

He walked out of the room with Sam following close behind. Bo found him in the basement, very sick.

Bo: What the hell is wrong with you? Can't you see how sick he is?

Sam: He has all the medical attention he needs?

Bo: Making this a personal hospital isn't going to change the fact that he needs REAL medical attention. How the hell do you even KNOW what he needs? You're not a doctor.

Sam: He'll be fine.

Bo: How can he be fine when you have him locked down here? What's the matter Sam? You don't want anyone to know that he's sick? Afraid that they'd call social services and MAKE you take him to the hospital? That can only mean one thing… you're hiding something. And what the hell is more important then taking your sick child to the hospital to get treatment?

Sam: You don't know what you're talking about.

Bo: I know one thing with certainty. If you DON'T get this child to the hospital in the next five minutes, I'm going to report you to social services. And believe me Sam, you DON'T want that. It will give Nora just the opening she needs to regain full custody and that's just fine with me. But I will NOT let you bring an innocent child into your games anymore. Either you bring him to the hospital or I will. Either way, it ends tonight.

TBC


	11. Empty Part 11

Empty- Part 11

It didn't take Sam very long to realize that he didn't have much of a choice. And it didn't take Bo very long to realize that whatever Sam was hiding probably involved Nora since every ugly thing he ever did revolved around his false belief that he was somehow winning her over. It didn't make much sense but that was Sam… always believing he had some hold over her when in fact he didn't have a thing. Nora never caved to threats or blackmail and because of it, she lost her son… She lost everything that meant something to her. And it drove him crazy knowing how miserable she was because of it.

When they got to the hospital, they both knew it was only a matter of time before whatever truth was revealed would come out as they rushed Matthew into the operating room. Bo said nothing when he walked away from Sam and placed a call to Nora.

Bo: You're not going to believe this but I found your son.

Nora: You… You… you found my son?

Bo: Yeah I did… and you know what? He looks exactly like his mom… and a real heartbreaker too. I guess he gets that from you too.

Nora: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Bo: Maybe a little of both. But Nora, I think you need to get on a plane and come down here. Matthew's in the hospital.

Nora: I knew something was wrong. I could feel it.

Bo: That's because you've always been a wonderful mom… even when you couldn't be with him. So do me a favor and just breathe. The last thing I need is to worry about you when I'm trying to take care of your son.

Nora: Don't worry about me Bo. You've always said I was a survivor and you're right… I am. You just take care of my son. Knowing he's with you makes it so much easier not to worry.

Bo: Good because there's something you need to know.

Nora: You make it sound so dire…

Bo: It's about Sam…

Nora: Oh no wonder… It's ALWAYS dire when he's involved. What did he do this time?

Bo: He's the reason Matthew's here. If he had gotten him to the hospital sooner maybe he wouldn't be headed into the ER. I'm sorry Red… I just thought you should know.

Nora (Pausing): No, I'm glad you told me. I've had so many people lie to me about my own life… I don't need you to start on me now too.

Bo: I would never do that to you sweetheart. I meant what I said when I told you I'm sorry. I'm trying to make it up to you.

Nora: Well taking care of my son is a really good start. I'll see you in a little while.

She wrote down the address and hung up. But not before she heard Bo say I love you when he thought she wasn't listening. She whispered "I love you too, "to herself when she made reservations and took off for the airport.

Back at the hospital, Bo and Sam were told that Matthew had leukemia and needed a bone marrow transplant as soon as possible since the disease hadn't been caught early enough for medication to do any good. They needed blood samples from both his parents in order to get an accurate match. Bo watched Sam's face turn to panic when he walked inside and Bo told the doctors that his mother would be here soon. How in the world was he supposed to tell her that her son could be dying? It was at that precise moment that she walked in the doors and into his arms.

Nora: I can't believe you found my son. Where is he? Where's my baby?

Bo: Nora… Nora I have some bad news… Matthew's fine but…

Nora: What is it? What's wrong with him? What are you so afraid to tell me?

Bo: Your son has Leukemia and needs a bone marrow transplant as soon as possible.

Nora: What? But I don't understand? Isn't that a last resort? Don't they give him some sort of medicine first?

Bo: They do… when it's caught in time.

Nora: So this is all Sam's fault. If he had gotten him to the hospital in time then maybe he wouldn't be going through this. Is that what you're telling me?

Bo: Pretty much.

Nora: And they said_ I_ was an unfit parent? What the hell do you call this? Bo… He… He…

Bo (Taking her in his arms): I know baby, I know. We're going to make this better, I swear.

Nora: How? How does this get better? My son could be dying? And I don't even know him?

Bo: But that's going to change. Matthew will get better. And then you and I are going to fight the legal system and win.

Nora: I tried that Bo. I lost.

Bo: No Nora… the legal system failed you. But this time you have me. And there's no way we can loose when we fight it together.

Nora: You would really do that for me?

Bo: Of course I would. He's your son. And what Sam did to you both was despicable.

Nora (Pausing): I'm starting to wonder if maybe everything I ever thought about you after our divorce was wrong.

Bo: How so?

Nora: Well I'm looking at you now and what I'm seeing is the man I once believed in… the man that stole my heart… the man I trusted… Maybe he still IS in there somewhere even after all the crap he put me though. But don't think you're off the hook yet buster… just because I'm starting to see signs of the old Bo… My Bo… doesn't mean I'm going to make this easy on you. I'm still not sure I can trust you with my heart again. Though I'm beginning to see that maybe I can trust you with my life again.

Bo: Well that's a start isn't it?

Nora: Yeah, it's a start.

They gave each other a look that conveyed all their emotions and then the doctor came out. Nora was about to go back to give him a sample of her blood when he stopped her.

Doctor: I think there's something you need to know before we can proceed.

TBC


	12. Empty Part 12

Empty- Part 12

The news seemed to move in slow motion… As soon as she heard that there was a problem, she began imagining worst case scenarios. And once her mind had allowed her to go there, she started having a panic attack. Once she was calm enough to listen, she wasn't sure she had entirely grasped the situation.

Nora: I think I'm going to need some clarification here. You're telling me that my son can't have the bone marrow transplant that will save his life? Why are you wasting time talking to us instead of trying to figure out a way to make that happen?

Doctor: That's _exactly_ what We're doing.(Pause) Look, Ms. Hanen, I know this doesn't make a lot of sense…

Nora: That's putting it lightly.

Doctor: The truth is that Mr. Rappaport could not possibly be your son's father and we're trying to figure out…

Nora: Excuse me? WHAT did you just say?

Bo: Did you just say that Matthew isn't Sam's Son?

Doctor: That's correct.

Nora: But… But how is that even possible? There were tests run…

Doctor: I don't know what happened with those tests but I do know that it is genetically impossible for Sam to father any more children.

Nora: Wait a minute? Are you saying he's sterile?

Bo: And if he is, how long has he been that way?

Nora(To Sam): In other words… How long have you known?

Sam: I don't know what you're talking about…this is news to me.

Nora: Is it? Because I don't think it is. I think you planned this to get me into bed.

Sam: There's one problem with that logic… You came to ME…

Nora: Yeah but you knew that we were trying to start a family and that it was even more important to me now… if you found out that you couldn't father children then that would put a kink in your plans wouldn't it? So_ I _think you switched _your_ test results with Bo's… which means you used under handed tactics to get me to make the worst mistake of my life. And it worked too.

Bo: Nora, it's ok. You don't have to do this.

Nora: No, actually I do. I trusted this piece of scum. And HOW did he repay me? He destroyed our lives… he made me hate myself… he made YOU hate me… he took my child away from me… God Bo, I could go on and on but the bottom line is still the same… he played God with my life… with your life… with Matthew's life…

Sam: I Love Matthew…

Nora: _Oh you love him now_? Is that why you almost let him die just to protect your stupid little secret? It wasn't your choice to make Sam. Matthew wasn't some bargaining chip in your twisted game of making me falling in love with you… which, by the way, would NEVER have happened. I love Bo. I will _always_ love Bo. And it doesn't matter whether we're together or apart, you will NEVER make me forget that. _You had No right to decide who got to raise him Sam… he wasn't even your son._ And I am _so_ sick of people deciding what's best for poor little Nora like she can't even make up her own damn mind. Well I'll tell you what I HAVE decided Sam… That you're NOT going to get away with it.

Sam: And what do you think you can do about it huh?

Nora(Smiling): The good thing about being FBI is you have jurisdiction wherever you go… and I think right now the ONLY place your going is down to headquarters.

Sam: You're arresting me? On what grounds?

Nora: Kidnapping. Matthew wasn't your son and you knew it. Which makes the court ruling that took him from me the same thing as kidnapping. And since child abductions are my specialty I think I'm going to love watching you rot in hell for this one.

She took the handcuffs out of her pocket and placed them on his wrists. Bo just watched her read him his rights and smiled.

Bo: You know Sam… Next time you want to mess with someone's life I would suggest you pick someone who doesn't know how to kick your ass.

Sam: And what makes you think she can?

Bo: Because I know her… and one thing any man would be wise to remember is that the lady can pack quite a punch… and if you piss her off… which you clearly have… then you're going to end up wishing you had never been born. She can not only wipe the floor with any man or woman but she damn near makes them beg for mercy. You made a big mistake messing with Nora… a Big, Big Mistake.

Nora: You got that right. (To Bo) Take care of our Son Bo. I'll take care of the bastard who took him from us.

Bo: I'll just bet you will.

She laughed slightly as she walked away. Bo just smiled at her. That was the woman he loved… that was the woman that he was trying desperately to get back into his life… and boy could she kick some serious butt if she wanted to. He would pay good money to watch that. But he knew he was needed more here so he turned to the doctor.

Bo: I guess it's my blood you need now isn't it? Lets get this over with.

TBC.


	13. Empty Part 13

Empty- Part 13

Nora dragged Sam into headquarters and pushed him into the interrogation room. She had called John from the car because he was her partner and she knew that she needed someone to save her from herself if it got too heated… and just like always, he was waiting for her.

Nora: Thanks for meeting me here. We have some garbage to take care of.

John: I can see that. (To Sam) What's the matter Sam? You're unusually quiet… even for a scumbag like you. Don't tell me you don't have anything to say now that you're not picking on defenseless women and children?

Sam: I hardly think she was defenseless.

John: Really? And how do you figure that? Because the facts as I know them are that she thought her husband was going to kill himself and was desperate to give him a baby. Not exactly her brightest moment but understandable. Who wouldn't do anything to save the person they love most in this world… Only she mistakenly thought he couldn't father children and came to her most trusted friend to help her give the man she loved more then life itself the will to come back to her. But he wasn't sterile was he? YOU… the man she trusted… you lied to her… you used her… you betrayed her… and more then that… you betrayed her son. I could have you thrown in jail for any number of reasons based on those facts alone.

Nora: You're wasting your time John. Sam doesn't have a conscience. If he did, he NEVER would have done the things that he did. My God Sam… you lied to me… for years… you lied to me about my own life… the worst mistake I ever made was allowing myself to believe that you were decent… allowing myself to be touched by you when I hated myself for it. And then you turn around and lie to Matthew. God only knows what kind of garbage you were filling HIS head with. You stole my son. You broke up my marriage. You… you made me feel violated. There's not enough prison time to account for that.

Sam: Are you finished?

Nora: No… No I'm not. I want to look you dead in the eyes and tell you that you lost. Everything you ever did was in vain. It never could stop me from loving Bo and it appears you couldn't squash his love for ME either. Does it hurt you to know that the one time you managed to manipulate me into your bed, I was dreaming of Bo? Good… because you could spend the rest of your life trying to make up for all the hell you caused and you would NEVER be half the man that he is.

Sam: You know Nora, all this undying love is so touching. But it still doesn't change the fact that you're never going to be faithful. You don't even know the meaning of the word.

She slammed him against the wall as she wrapped her hands around his neck.

Nora: Are you itching to get yourself killed because believe me I am in NO mood for your insults. You keep it up; you'll be walking right into an early grave.

Sam: Is that a threat?

Nora: No, my dear… it's a promise. See, unlike you, I don't make threats I don't have EVERY intention of following through on. So… (She let go of him hard) I'd watch your damn mouth. Unless of course you want me to remind you why you have no clue who you're messing with.

Sam: What's the matter Nora? You can't handle the truth?

Nora: The truth? Oh that's rich coming from you. You wouldn't know the truth if it hit you square between the eyes. But here's a little bit of truth for you… (She slapped him across the face) You're despicable. And I hope you rot in hell for the rest of your natural days for what you did to me and Bo and Matthew. And while you're there… I hope you choke on this bit of news… We're together now Sam. And nothing you do or say is going to change that. I will never again let you wreck my life… or my family.

When she started to walk away John turned to Nora.

John: Nora, I have no problem booking him on kidnapping and fraud and a whole bunch of other charges but there's one more I can add if you're up for it.

Nora: What?

John: You said you felt violated. He got you in bed with a lie. So… so he could be charged with rape. That is entirely up to you sweetheart. You just give me the word and I'll add it to the list of charges he's already got on his sentence. But I can't move forward without your permission.

Nora: Am I going to have to take the stand?

John: I'll do my best to keep you out of that. But if you do, it could get ugly.

Nora: What would YOU do?

John: I'd throw the book at the SOB.

* * *

Bo walked out of the doctor's office and looked into Matthew's room. It terrified him what kind of brainwashing his son had gone through and now that neither of his parents knew anything about him, he wondered what he could do to help him.

He walked in the room, despite his better judgment and sat down next to him. He didn't know what he would say if he woke up but he prayed he'd find the words. Matthew was very weak and he knew he couldn't handle the truth so he figured he'd just wing it. Turns out he'd find out just how good he was at that when Matthew woke up.

Matthew: Who are you?

Bo: I'm… I know your parents.

Matthew: You're the one who took me to the hospital aren't you?

Bo: That's correct.

Matthew: Why were you there? And why were you so mad at my dad?

Bo: It's complicated.

Matthew: If this is about my mom then I think you should leave. I don't want anything to do with her.

Bo: How can you say that? She's your mother and she loves you.

Matthew: She left us for another man. I don't think that's love.

Bo: Is that what your father told you? My God Matthew, do you really think your mother would walk away and never look back… even if it was for another man?

Matthew: I don't know. I never met her.

Bo: Then I'm sorry, you need to shut the hell up and listen. I know your mother very well… some say better then anyone… and the first thing you need to know is that everything your father told you was a lie. You're mother loves you… more then anyone or anything in this world.

Matthew: Then why did she leave?

Bo: Because the courts took you away. And when she tried to see you, she was arrested. Now you can believe the lies your father has spewed for all of your life or you can finally hear the truth. What's it going to be?

Matthew: Before I make that decision, I need to know one thing?

Bo: What?

Matthew: Are you the man that stole my mom away from my dad?

Bo: No… Your dad's the one who stole her away from ME. And you might be too young to know all the details but one thing that's never going to change is the fact that your mom is the best woman I know. She didn't walk away from you willingly. She cried every day of her life and she never stopped looking.

Matthew: And who is she to you?

Bo: To me she's the whole world. I could spend my whole life on a different side of the world… different continents, different states… and I'd still spend my life searching for her. She's my heart. And some say my compass.

Matthew: Why?

Bo: Because I'm lost without her. She's the_ only_ reason I know my way home. She IS my home. Always was, always will be.

TBC


	14. Empty Part 14

**Empty- Part 14**

Nora could feel everything in her body tense up. She not only didn't know what to do but she was afraid of going through this and then being labeled a victim—she was NOBODY'S victim. John took her hands as they trembled and led her just outside the interrogation room, where he instructed her to breathe. She had been having panic attacks ever since the divorce and they had only gotten worse as time went on—as her partner, John had learned how to calm her down. When it had passed he simply looked at her with understanding.

John: I know how hard this is for you Nora. And just when you thought you were putting it all behind you, you're thrown another curveball. I wish I could make this decision for you—you've got enough on your plate.

Nora: What am I supposed to do John? If I accuse him of rape then…

John: Nora—sweetheart it WAS rape. I don't care how you want to slice it—He manipulated the situation—he played on your fear—he had you turned around so much that you saw no other way out. And I don't care if you went to him willingly because you felt you had no choice—as far as I'm concerned he raped you. If it were up to me I would cut off his—

Nora (Laughing slightly): Remind me never to piss you off.

John: Could never happen. You're my best friend. Which is probably why I'm getting so worked up on your behalf. I know the hell you put yourself through every day of your life.

Nora: Can I sleep on it? I think maybe I should talk to Bo about this… see what he wants to do.

John: I think that's a very good idea. Don't spread yourself too thin Nora. I can see it in your eyes—you're already crumbling. I don't want to see a repeat of what happened ten years ago. Promise me you'll call someone if you need backup?

Nora: I promise. (Pausing) I think I should go check on my son. I still need to give blood so they can narrow down a bone marrow.

John: You can count on me and everyone else in the agency to get tested. You know that right?

Nora: I do. And Thanks. Thanks for always being there for me. Make sure Sam suffers. It's the only sense of peace I have.

John: You got it sweetheart.

After he hugged her and she was out the door, he returned to Sam.

John: There is no punishment that is enough to account for all the hell you have caused.

Sam: Oh please. Everyone knows you're just as in love with her as Bo.

John: For your information, I want what's best for her. You'd never understand the meaning of friendship but not every man who cares about a woman wants to jump her bones.

Sam: Are you saying you never thought about it?

John: Oh I did. YEARS ago. Nora's a very easy woman to love. But it was never in the cards for us. I TRIED to save her from herself. We entertained the idea of having an affair. But it was never more then a one night stand when she was feeling lonely. She's always been in love with Bo. And I was the one who pushed her to confront that… but any romantic notion that I might have had for her ended years ago. She's my best friend—and that's all there is to it. And in case you haven't figured it out—people who mess with my friends are in pretty big trouble.

Sam: And what are you going to do about it?

He walked up to him and looked him dead in the eyes. Then he punched him.

John: It could go a lot worse for you if you don't start listening to how this is going to go.

_______________________________________

Matthew: You expect me to believe any of this? Why should I trust you?

Bo: I don't know Matthew. You've grown up a bit over the years. Are you saying you never doubted him?

Matthew: _Him?_ You mean my dad?

Bo: Your dad—

Matthew: He's never given me any reason to.

Bo: That's bull and you know it.

Matthew: Look if you're just going to.

Bo: Look, I know I shouldn't be saying any of this to you. You're obviously in a pretty precarious situation. But you being sick——I just don't think that justifies how you're acting right now. Why are you so determined to hate her?

Matthew: Why are you so determined to defend her?

Bo: Maybe because she deserves it. I spent a lot of years exactly where you are right now—and I'll tell you one thing—it was the worst decision I ever made. People are flawed Matthew—when you build them up to be some image of perfection it makes things so much worse. Your mother is not perfect and I'm glad she's not because_ I'm_ far from it. But she's not the person you think she is either. She tries to do the right thing—and yeah, maybe it's not the right thing, but her heart is in the right place—_every _time.

Matthew: How can you say that?

Bo: Maybe because it's the truth.

Matthew: _According to who? You?_ I don't even know you. Why should I trust you?

Bo: Maybe you shouldn't. But you _should _trust her. She's done_ nothing_ but try and get you back ever since you were born and she lost you.

Matthew: But that makes no sense. Why would my dad do that?

Bo: Because he's not who you think he is.

Matthew: All I know is he was there and she wasn't.

At that precise moment, they looked over and saw her standing there. She was afraid of what would come next but she knew she had to face it. Whatever happened, she prayed she'd have the strength to get through it.

Nora: Matthew?

Matthew: Why did you even bother to come back? It's not like I mattered to you before.

Nora: How can you say that? I loved you. I still do.

Matthew: It's easy to say that now. But all I know is that you missed_ everything_. Eventually I stopped caring. You left us for _him_ didn't you?

Nora: I didn't leave you Matthew—you were taken from me.

Matthew: That is such a lie. Why would my dad lie to me?

Nora: I don't know. I wish I knew the first thing about ANY of this.

Matthew:_ Then leave. Why don't you just get out? I don't want you here. _

She tried to stop the tears that welled inside her eyes. For years she had dreamed of being reunited with her son but she never once believed that Sam would have turned him against her. Every word out of his mouth had been a lie and every word Matthew believed. What did she have to fight with?

Nora: Fine. I'm going to leave because you're in pain and you're sick. But I'm NOT leaving for good. You're my son. And I don't care what you believe about me but I have NEVER stopped loving you—stopped wanting you—stopped fighting to get you back. And I will fight for the rest of my life to break through those walls your father put up if I have to. I will NEVER give up on you. And I'll love you until the day I die and beyond. You can hate me all you want—I'm STILL your mother.

And with that she ran out of the room in tears. Bo followed her out into the waiting room and took her hands.

Bo: Nora, I'm sorry. I tried to tell him the truth. He wouldn't listen.

Nora: He's been brainwashed. Why would he believe_ you?_ He doesn't know _you_ any more then_ me?_ My son hates me. Not exactly the family reunion I've been dreaming about. And we can't even tell him he's your son now can we? God—If you _knew_ how much I hate Sam right now? He's robbed me of everything-

Bo: Not _everything_—Not anymore.

Nora: That's the_ only_ reason I'm still standing. (Pausing) Please go look after him Bo. Make sure he's ok. He seems like he can tolerate you more then me. Please. I don't want him to be alone. Will you stay with him until he falls asleep?

Bo: I will. But you shouldn't be alone?

Nora: Don't worry about _me_ Bo. I've been on my own for years now. I'll be ok.

Bo: The _last_ thing you are is ok. (He drew her into his arms for a kiss) I love you Nora. And I will NEVER let you give up on yourself. You're too important to me.

And with that he walked back into Matthew's room. Nora felt the ground beneath her shake as she lost her footing and collapsed on the couch in the waiting room. She just lay perfectly still as she grabbed on to the arm and let all her tears come. She couldn't stop crying. She couldn't move a muscle. She couldn't feel anything but agony. A few minutes later, she felt a hand on her shoulder. It took all the strength she had to turn around.

Nora: What are you doing here Viki?

Viki: Bo called me. Nora you can't do this to yourself. Let me take you home. Let me help you.

Nora: I don't think anyone can help me anymore. I feel like a stranger in my own body.

Viki didn't say anything more… she just took her jacket and wrapped it around Nora's shoulders as she shivered. She held on to her friends trembling hands and just walked with her. She knew that Nora had reached her quota of heartache and she was scared to death of what that would mean. Would she have the strength to fight off the demons that still haunted her every day of her life? Did she even want to?

TBC


	15. Empty Part 15

Empty- Part 15

Nora had been silent on the whole drive back to Llanfair. Viki had watched her just stare out the window as if she was staring at nothing at all. She knew that look well—she had seen it on Nora's face a thousand times before in the last ten years. She wasn't feeling hurt or anger or any kind of pain right now—she was broken--- she was numb—and she was feeling hopeless. How many times had she hopped on a plane and tried to talk her best friend out of some reckless act of desperation—now she was back in town but the feelings were the same. And this time the reasons for them were a million times worse.

When Viki led her into the house, she just wandered through it like it was a movie. And that was how she felt. She felt like everything that was happening to her was happening to someone else. She felt no emotion when she walked up to the room she had been staying in and looked at the pictures of Matthew that she had gotten from Viki over the years. In the past they had brought her comfort—now they made her feel a sense of loss that overwhelmed her. When she looked at his picture all she could think about was his final words to her. Her son hated her—and on top of that he was dying. She could loose him either way.

Picking up the pictures she threw them across the room until they broke. Then she thought better of it and tried to pick up the broken glass and put the pictures back together. She had blood on her hands when Viki finally came and took her into the bathroom. She just kept scrubbing her hands, trying to wash the filth that she felt and never really getting anywhere near being clean enough. Her life felt like the broken pieces of glass on the ground—she could never put the pieces back together.

She walked out of the bathroom and found her way downstairs. When Viki found her eyeing the liquor cabinet, she led her towards the kitchen.

Viki: I know how much you want a drink Nora. But you and I both know that it's not a good idea.

Nora: I just want one glass Viki. I want to numb myself of the pain.

Viki: And what happened the last time you did that huh? Nora, you fell off the wagon. And then you almost swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills. The next time it was even worse. You can't do this Nora. You have problems when you get drunk. And you and I both know that you can't just have one drink.

Nora: I just want to stop feeling so lousy. Is that so wrong? I don't want to hurt anymore. I've been hurting every second of every day for years. I just want it to stop. I want to stop feeling like I've done something so terrible that it warrants this kind of pain.

Viki: Whatever mistakes you've made—Nora, you don't deserve the agony you're in. Please stop punishing yourself for something that is out of your control.

Nora: You don't know the half of all the horrible things I've done.

Viki: I don't believe that those two words belong in the same sentence. Nora whatever it is, you can talk to me. What is it that you feel you're being punished for?

She didn't say anything then. She didn't have the energy to go through the list of wrongs she had committed in her life. Viki took a warm washcloth and began to wipe down her face. She knew that whatever demons Nora was battling, it was a big deal. Her best friend was not one to carry around burdens like this unless she felt she had no choice. And it killed her to see the self-hatred in her eyes. What was Nora beating herself up for? What was she still punishing herself for?

Viki: I think what you really need is a bath. You'll feel so much better once you get cleaned up. Why don't you let me run one for you?

Nora looked up into the eyes of one of the only two people who had always been there for her and she couldn't find the strength to say _anything._ She walked with Viki and after she was gone, she allowed herself to get lost in the bubbles and the heat. She had no clue how to put one foot in front of the other any more. She had been broken.

A few minutes later she had slipped into her own world where nothing had existed but the world she had put herself in. and then she heard the familiar voice behind the door and allowed him to enter. When he kneeled down next to her she felt a little of her pain wash away.

Nora: How's our baby?

Bo: I did as you asked. He's sleeping now. (Pausing) What about you Nora? How's my girl?

She looked up into his eyes and for the first time in a long time she felt safe. She also knew that he would know if she was lying.

Nora: Lousy.

Bo: I think I might have a cure for that.

She closed her eyes when he reached into the tub and found the washcloth. He gently washed her skin as she allowed herself to drift away into another world where everything was right again. When she felt his hands on her skin, she felt an instant yearning. He massaged her scalp when he washed her hair and then went over to the counter and found a cup, which he then gently poured over her head to rinse the shampoo out of her face. She felt the warm water cleanse her and she could only hope it could cleanse her soul in the same way. He ran his hands through her hair, making sure he rinsed the rest of the shampoo from it and she relaxed at the feel of his hands on her.

She looked up at him with pleading eyes and he took the robe that was hanging on the door and helped her into it. She sat on the toilet and he took her brush and ran it through her hair. She always liked it when he brushed her hair—he was so gentle and loving. After putting the brush down, he simply looked at her. All the longing that had been there before was almost a necessity this time. He took his fingers and brushed them across her face as if to tell her that whatever tears she would cry, he would wipe them away and replace them with happiness. He drew her mouth to his, wanting to make sure he didn't misread the signs and when she kissed him back, he lifted her up off the toilet and carried her to the bed—never breaking the kiss that they both needed more then the air they breathed.

Laying her down on the bed, he gently pulled back the sash on the robe and threw it on the ground. Her body felt like heaven as she pulled him to her. Her hands were fumbling with his buttons but he didn't mind the time it took because with every button she undid, she placed a kiss there. Once his clothes were thrown in the pile, he brought her towards him with such passion she thought she would go crazy from the desire she felt. He kissed her from her toes all the way up to her head and with every kiss, she melted… With every touch, she felt her pain a little less.

Nora: Bo Please… Please don't stop. I need you… I need you so bad.

Bo: I have _no_ intention of stopping. My brain shut down a long time ago and now it is physically impossible for me to do ANYTHING but make love to you. But I want to love you slowly this time. I want to look at you when I see how much you want me. Say it Red… say how much you want this… how much you want ME—us.

Nora: I want you so bad that I feel like I'll go insane if I don't have you right now.

Bo: Patience my dear.

He kept his word. He made love to her slowly. And she had enjoyed it just as much as every time before. And then she had brought him back to the brink of passion with a desperation he hadn't seen in a long time. They made love for most of the night and when she woke up in the morning, she was surprised to see him still there.

Bo: You didn't actually think I would leave did you?

Nora: Actually I did.

Bo: Well then you've got a lot to learn. This time I'm _not_ leaving you. This time I'm going to fight everyone—including you—to keep us together.

Nora: Bo, you don't understand what's at stake.

Bo: I understand that I love you. I understand that I don't want to be without you anymore. And I understand that making love to you is better then anything else in the world.

Nora (Smiling): Well that's true. (Pause) Bo you have no idea where I've been in the last ten years—you don't know what kind of trouble I've been in. It could change everything.

Bo: What could you have possibly done that could change how I feel about you?

Nora: Everything you _never_ signed up for.

Bo: Nora, I signed up for YOU.

Nora: But—

Bo: No buts. I love you. I've left you out in the cold too many times. I'm not going to do it again.

Nora: You might be justified this time.

Bo: What the hell are you talking about? Nora what have you done that has you so scared? Why do you think I'm going to leave you high and dry again?

Nora (Pausing): There are things that I did when I was—Bo I had a mental break after Matthew was taken from me. And because of that I cost an innocent child their life. I killed that child just as sure as if I had put the gun to her head. And I've been living with that death on my conscience ever since. Every second…every day… I can see her face. Maybe this is my penance. Maybe loosing Matthew is the cross I have to bear for being so careless… for being so…so…

The tears had started just as soon as she had said it out loud and she couldn't stop them any more then she could stop the feelings. Bo hadn't said anything. He just grabbed her and pulled her into his arms. He always knew what she needed before she even knew it herself.

Bo: I can't even imagine the hell that you've been putting yourself through every day of your life since it happened. I know you Nora—and I know that you're probably taking on a lot more then you deserve.

Nora: Did you hear anything I said? I killed a child Bo.

Bo: No, actually what I heard is that you feel responsible. That's a far cry from putting a gun to her head.

Nora: You don't understand.

Bo: I understand more then you think. I've been to war Nora. I've seen some pretty ugly things. And I've got a pretty good idea that you're suffering from post- traumatic stress. Is that why you were screaming in your sleep last night? Talk to me Nora. Why are you so determined to punish yourself?

Nora: Because I was drunk when it happened. If it wasn't for John I would have been kicked out of the agency and possibly been brought up on charges. And it wasn't the first time I did something stupid when I decided to numb my pain with booze. Of course then it was only myself I was hurting.

Bo: When you tried to kill yourself?

Nora: Yeah... first with a bottle of pills… then with a razor blade. But you have to understand that the feelings that brought me there haven't gone away. I'm always fighting those demons. And tonight… tonight I was at my all time low and I thought about it—I thought about how easy it would be to end it all. I wanted to end it—the pain, the misery—I just wanted it to stop.

Bo: So why didn't you? I know what it is to be that low and I also know that when you're there then nothing can stop you. So what made you decide to keep fighting your way through life?

Nora: You. I couldn't stand the thought of leaving you behind—or what it would do to you if I left. You've lost too many people you cared about—I couldn't do it to you. And then after you came in and helped me I was glad that I didn't. For the first time in I don't know how long I have something to live for.

Bo: What's that?

Nora: You and me. You make me feel good Bo. I can't say I trust you yet but I do know that right now you're the only thing that brings me any kind of joy. I love you. Maybe it's time I admit that I _always_ have.

TBC


	16. Empty Part 16

Empty- Part 16

Nora (Tears in her eyes): I don't want to love you Bo—I wish I could take back the feelings—I wish I could force myself to remember what my life was like before you—because loving you—needing you—wanting you—it hurts—it just hurts too damn much. And I can't go down this road again—I can't put myself through the agony of giving you the power to break my heart again—the first time it damn near killed me. And I mean that literally Bo.

Bo: What are you saying?

Nora: the first time I thought about ending it was when I found out about you and Lindsay. I was still in town at the time. I just got the papers from Sam saying he was going to sue me for custody once I gave birth—and my first instinct was to go to you. I know it was a bad idea—you were divorcing me—you wanted nothing more to do with me—But Bo, you were my best friend—I thought if I could just talk to you then maybe I could find some sort of silver lining—and maybe you'd agree to testify for me. I mean I knew that you hated me—

Bo: Nora, I NEVER hated you.

Nora: Ok so I THOUGHT you hated me. But I thought that if it came down to it you'd take MY side.

Bo: I would have. Why did you change your mind about asking me?

Nora: _I_ didn't. _You_ did.

Bo: _What_? I'm not following you.

Nora: I made a mistake coming to you. I tried calling you but you didn't answer so I tracked you down at home but you weren't answering your door. I started getting worried—I thought maybe something had happened to you—so knowing you the way I do, I knew where you kept a spare key and I let myself in. Believe me I will NEVER make _that_ mistake again. I got a hell of a lot more then I bargained for.

Bo: Oh God—you walked in on us—

Nora: Having Sex—oh yeah. And you know what it taught me? That_ you_ made your choice. You didn't even wait until the bed was cold or the ink was dry on our divorce papers before you took _her_ to bed. And why would I subject myself to having to beg for you to help me when you were sleeping with the_ very_ woman who helped Sam wreck us. Why should I trust you to get up on that stand and say _one_ decent thing about me when it was clear that you didn't give a damn?

Bo: Nora---

Nora: No, DON'T Nora Me. You don't have _any_ idea how much you hurt me. I know that I made a mistake that cut you deeply but that's just it Bo—_I_ made a mistake—_I_ was trying to save your life. I'm not saying it was right because it wasn't—and I have regretted it ever since—but you—what was _your_ excuse? Why did it take all of five minutes for you to jump in the sack with my worst enemy? Did I really mean that little to you? And if you were doing it because you were lonely or desperate then couldn't you have chosen someone else—_anyone_ else? (When she noticed that he was about to say something she put her hands up to stop him) you know what? Never mind. I don't want to hear all about how she was everything I wasn't because I can't handle it right now.

Bo: Is that what you REALLY think?

Nora: How could I think anything else? You've taken _her_ side over_ mine_ too many times for me to count. And I wasn't even there to defend myself. If you really loved me like you say you do then why did you almost marry her twice? Why did you forgive her for everything she did? If the tables were turned Bo—I NEVER would have done that to you. And you _wonder_ why I'm so cynical? Gee, MAYBE it was because _you_ MADE me that way.

Bo: So you're still Bitter about Lindsay?

Nora: YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M BITTER. Why _shouldn't_ I Be bitter? She stole _everything_ that was mine—including you.

Bo: I thought we were past this—I thought—

Nora: You thought WHAT Bo? That I had forgiven you? That I had forgotten? What If I _haven't?_ We keep talking about how _you_ can't forgive _me._ But what if_ I_ can't forgive _you?_ What if the pain is just too much?

She was almost out the door when he stopped her.

Bo: Nora please. We don't have to talk about Lindsay. But I want to hear about the time you tried to kill yourself. Please just talk to me.

Nora: What's the point Bo? What could I tell you that you don't already know? I was depressed—so depressed that I wanted it to go away. And after I had lost you and Matthew—I just didn't have the will power any more. I don't think I need to give you details Bo—Do you REALLY need to see me bleed? Haven't you cut me deep enough?

She ran out of the room in tears and he could do nothing but watch her drive away. He had no idea where she was going but he was scared for her.

All these years he had assumed she had survived—that some lucky man had been able to put the broken pieces back together—and_ that_ had been the biggest lie of all. She had been broken—in a lot of ways HE had broken her. And the broken pieces were _still_ lying on the ground in shambles. He wondered whether it was even possible to heal the damage that had been done.

He had _never_ seen her like this—and _never_ in a million years would he have thought that she would try to take her own life—and more then once no less. He couldn't help but wonder if he would see that light in her eyes _ever _again.

She was crying out for help—and _this_ time he wouldn't leave her in the lurch. Somehow, someway, he would find a way to make her whole and help her believe in love again. He just didn't have a clue where he was supposed to start. Did she want him to go after her? Or was that just going to make things a thousand times worse? Right now he simply didn't know. And that scared him almost as much as loosing her.

TBC


	17. Empty Part 17

Empty- Part 17

Bo walked into John's office because he didn't know where else to go. He had just finished booking Sam and he could tell that he was as worried as he was.

Bo: He's not going to agree to cooperate is he?

John: I'm afraid not. He thinks he can work the system. Believe me I WON'T let him get away with it. But that's not why you're here is it?

Bo (Pausing): You haven't heard from Nora have you?

John: Not since she brought Sam here. Why?

Bo: I'm worried. I don't even know what happened. One minute everything is fine and the next—John, I don't know what to do anymore? I have NEVER seen her this tortured.

John: Bo, even if I wanted to help you I_ can't_ break her confidence. She's going through a lot right now. Maybe you need to give her some space.

Bo: I'm afraid that space is _exactly_ what she DOESN'T need. (Pause) She told me about that child that she feels responsible for killing... and about her suicide attempts. I'm afraid that if I leave her alone, she's just going to go back there.

John: I wish I could tell you that you're wrong but the fact is that I don't think her depression is getting any better. Nora's been fighting a lot of demons for a long time but she's NOT ok. I've known her for a lot of years and the fact that she is shutting the people she loves out of her life _isn't_ a good sign. I'm afraid for her Bo.

Bo: John she's not answering her phone. I've called her dozens of times. I just want to know that she's alive. There's a serial killer running around. She shouldn't be alone.

John: Ok let me give it a try.

He went over to the desk and dialed the familiar number. He got no answer. He just looked at Bo before dialing another number.

John: Do me a favor and find out whether my partner is alive? I don't care how it sounds. Nora's not answering her phone and I'm worried. Track her down.

Bo: Do you think something bad has happened?

He motioned for him to sit.

John: For a lot of years I only knew you as the man that broke her. She's spent the good part of a decade trying to get over you and failing. She's been _so_ miserable for _so_ long because of _you_. And if you're just going to cast her aside again—

Bo: John, I love her—

John: You said that before and you STILL turned your back on her. I'm _not_ going to let you do that again. If you love her then you_ really_ need to figure out how to show her because right now she's in more pain then I have EVER seen her in. She needs a man that's going to be there for the long haul—even when she pushes him away. You know Nora—that's what she does when she's scared.

Bo: I know. But this is different John. Nora's carrying around this burden and she's not thinking clearly. If anything happens to her—

John: For what it's worth, I think Nora's probably fine. You should _see_ her with a gun in her hand. She _knows_ how to shoot. And believe me, she_ doesn't_ miss unless she _means _to.

Bo: But what if she does it to herself? Right now I'm more worried about that then the serial killer.

John: You and me both.

Just then John's phone rang and he answered it. Bo could tell by the tone in his voice that it was about Nora.

Bo: What is it? Is she ok?

John: She needs you Bo. She's alive but…

Bo: But what?

John: She's in trouble… real, serious trouble. And I think YOU might be the _only_ one who can help her.

TBC


	18. Empty Part 18

**Empty- Part 18**

_One Hour Earlier…_

She felt like she was suffocating. Every conversation she ever had with Bo kept playing in her mind like a snap shot. All the things he said to her after their divorce—all the reasons she wasn't good enough—and then her conversation with her son in his hospital room—and the interrogation with Sam—how she was responsible for every bad choice in her life—how she lost her marriage and her son because she hadn't been able to measure up—she could hear the words blur together like a broken record that she couldn't get to shut up. And as hard as she tried to drown them out, she couldn't get a word or a scream to come out. You can't cry out for help when you feel nothing at all. And that was it wasn't it? She was numb. She had cried every tear she could muster—she had felt every emotion—and then she stopped giving a dam.

She tried to turn on the radio for some kind of distraction. Her hands had been shaking since the minute she got behind the wheel of her car—it had been snowing for hours—and she kept getting phone calls from the very person she didn't want to talk to right now. Could her life possibly get any worse? _Don't say that Nora? You know the answer to that. It can ALWAYS get worse. _

She just didn't know how bad worse could be when she was already at the end of her rope. And then she heard one of their songs on the radio.

Nora: Why can't you play something to make me _forget_ Him?

_As if THAT was possible_

Pulling her car over to the side of the road she put her head down on the steering wheel and cried. Why couldn't she _ever_ be enough for someone? She wasn't enough for Bo—she wasn't enough for Matthew—hell she wasn't even enough for those few one night stands she had convinced herself she needed. All she was good for was a roll in the hay but—but when it came to marriage—a real commitment—they just couldn't hack it. After everything_ she_ had forgiven—after everything _she_ had put up with—how could _everyone_ she loved turn their back on her after ONE mistake? Was she _really_ that unlovable?

Picking herself up from the brink of shambles, she walked into the grave sight. Placing a single rose on the stone she looked down at the words that were etched in stone.

Nora: _Why? Why did you have to die Drew? Everything was perfect until you got yourself killed_. And then—why am I even here? You would probably just walk away too. For once in my life I need someone to help me. Please Drew—if you have any power up there can you answer one question for me? _What did I do that was so wrong? _Why did your father find it so easy to just – he slept with my worst enemy? And when he did that he killed something in me. He killed the part of me that believed in love. Now I just feel like it's something people use against you. And maybe I deserved it after what I did to him but there had to be another way. I would have rather been—seems kind of strange talking to someone who's dead but maybe you could help me find some sort of—I don't know—Drew please help me. I don't feel like I belong here anymore.

She ran her fingers across his name and then started crying. All that could be made out were the agonizing cries of I'm sorry as she fell to the ground in hysterics.

____________________________________

_John's Office--- _

Bo: What do you mean she's in trouble? What's going on?

John: She's on the hospital roof—she's—

Bo: Oh God—She's on the ledge isn't she?

John: She's pretty close. And you KNOW how that is because you've been where she is—and _she_ saved _you._ I think now it's _your _turn to save HER.

Bo: I'm on my way—

John: Bo—

Bo: What?

John: I'm trusting you with her life. But I swear to God if you let ANYTHING happen to her—DON'T let her down this time. _This _time she can't afford it. And all the people that love her_ need _her to _live._ So I don't care _what_ you have to do—_get her off that dam ledge—and make her believe she has something to come back to. _

Bo: She does. She may not see it but I do. We never should have broken up. So much pain could have been avoided… and it's all my fault. I treated her like the stuff that was stuck at the bottom of my shoe… and for WHAT? _One_ mistake she made because she was trying to save me? After everything_ she _forgave ME for… I don't know how I could have been so stupid—I don't know how I could have been such a dam fool—if she needs something to fight for then she can fight for love because if it's not too late then I am going to find a way to heal her heart in the same way she healed mine all those years ago.

John: Well don't tell ME—Tell Her—She needs you Bo. Stop talking about it and come through for her this time.

He said nothing more as he ran out of the room. On the whole drive over there, he couldn't help saying a silent prayer that someone would watch over her until he could get there.

Bo: Drew, if you have any pull up there can you just keep her safe for me? Your Old man REALLY screwed up this time. What kind of Moron messes up the best thing that ever happened to him? I'm trying to fix things but I need a little more time because she's in trouble. Just don't let me be too late. Please. This world would be a pretty crappy place without her.

TBC


	19. Empty Part 19

**Empty- Part 19**

**Rated PG 13 For The Drama In This Chapter**

He could hear the tears she struggled to conceal as she stood on the ledge of the hospital roof. If he hadn't known it before, he would have known it now. There was a desperation in her voice—something that had gone above and beyond your normal capacity for pain—and it scared the hell out of him.

Bo: Nora—Baby, please don't do this. There are people in this world that need you—

Nora: _Really? Who needs me?_ _Matthew sure as hell doesn't need me. _He believes that I would leave him—he hates me Bo. My own child hates me. And on top of that he has cancer. I could end up loosing him anyways. Everything I do is wrong. Everything I do eventually destroys people. You should get out now while you still have the chance—Oh wait? You already did._ That's_ why we're here isn't it… because you didn't love me enough? So _DON'T stand there and tell me you need me because you sure as hell didn't need me before._ And why would you? You just traded me in for a new model as soon as I made a mistake. You _weren't _man enough to stick it out and be my husband anymore. You turned your back on me just like everyone else. I thought you were different but I couldn't have been more wrong. YOU were the one who gave me the rope to hang myself.

Bo: Nora please just step away from the ledge so we can talk about this.

Nora: _What's to talk about? I'm damaged goods right? Who wants damaged goods? _Everyone _always_ wants more—everyone _always_ wants someone _better_ then me. I'm _never _enough. I _certainly_ wasn't enough for you or you wouldn't have decided to—Bo, _I needed you and you just walked away. You didn't even look back. How could you do that to me? Didn't you love me at all? _

Bo: What are you talking about? I loved you more then I ever loved anyone. Please don't doubt that.

Nora: But you left. And then you stabbed me in the back with _her_. Why does everyone _always_ want someone else... anyone but me? What the hell is wrong with me that makes it so impossible for anyone to stick it out? I'm always good for some fun in the sack right? But when it comes down to making a real commitment—you all just head for the hills. _If you didn't love me anymore then couldn't you have just told me? Why did you have to throw me in the gutter like that? Couldn't you see how much I loved you? Didn't you care that you were tearing my heart out? _

Bo: Of course I cared—I just-- Nora come on—baby just step away from there. You're scaring the hell out of me.

Nora: Why? You don't care about me. Nobody does. You'd all be better off if I just disappeared. Then you could stop pretending that you give a dam and just go back to what you _really_ want? If it's not Lindsay it's just going to be someone else—anyone else—anyone but me. Isn't that what you told me after we divorced? You said that you hated me. Why should I believe that any of that has changed? Why?

Bo: _Dam it Nora, Don't do this._ Think about your daughter? She loves you more then anything in this world. Do you think she would be ok if you did this? She needs you. And whether he knows it or not, so does Matthew. Your kids need you Nora.

Nora: But _you_ don't do you? When did you stop needing me Bo? When did I stop mattering to you?

Bo: I DO need you… you DO Matter To me…more than anything.

Nora: For how long? How long until you decide that you don't love me anymore? How long until you go back to HER? I mean you almost married her twice right? You forgave her for depriving you of your son? But of course that was MY fault wasn't it? Everything is ALWAYS MY fault… Not you're precious Lindsay.

Bo: Dam it Nora—I DON'T _want _HER—I Want YOU. Now step away from that ledge—please—please just let me help you.

Nora: Are you mad at me?

Bo: No baby—I'm just really scared for you right now.

Nora: You sound mad. Is that why you_ always_ leave? Is something wrong with me? Is that why everyone_ always_ wants someone better?

Bo: Oh baby—there's _no one _better then you. I wish you could believe that.

Nora: Really?

Bo: Yeah—Really. You've been my rock through some pretty rough times. You pulled me back from the brink Red. You remember that? After Sarah died and I was standing right here where you are. You wouldn't let me give up—you saved me. You gave me a reason to go on.

Nora: I remember that. That was when I fell in love with you. But things were different then Bo. There was still hope. Things didn't hurt so much.

Bo: What hurts baby? What hurts you so much that you'd rather not go on…what hurts you so bad that you'd rather not live?

Nora: My heart. My heart hurts… it hurts so bad Bo.

Bo: Because of me?

Nora: Yeah. You drove me to this… you and Matthew… and I don't know what to do about it anymore. It hurts. It hurts so much. _Why do you guys hate me so much? What did I ever do but love you? _

When she started to cry hysterically Bo tried to move towards her but when she backed up, he realized he'd have to back off. She was scaring the hell out of him as she was getting closer and closer to the edge.

Bo: No—_Nora please don't move._ I'm _not _going to hurt you. I just want to help you.

Nora: You CAN'T help me Bo. No One Can Help me.

Bo: I don't think that's true. And I don't think YOU do either. You NEVER gave up on me—even when you had EVERY reason to.

Nora: You weren't hopeless.

Bo: Neither are you. Nora, the LAST thing you are is hopeless. You've gone through a lot of stuff— a lot of painful stuff---WAY more then _anyone_ should have to go through in one lifetime. But you are NOT hopeless. And if I contributed to_ any of_ this then I'm sorry. It was NEVER my intention to hurt you so bad. Hell it was NEVER my intention to hurt you at all.

Nora: _Screw you intentions Bo_. That's _always _when I hurt the most. You didn't _mean _to hurt me but you _do_ every day…_Dam it you have destroyed me with your broken promises. _

Bo: So you're mad at me? That's something we can work with.

Nora: I'm NOT mad. I just want the pain to stop. I want you to know how much you hurt me. You just wanted to put all the blame on ME. _What about what YOU did to ME_? _You're not blameless Bo. _And even if I _wasn't _there it still hurt me when I found out about you and all those other women. Why did you leave me Bo? Why didn't you give me a chance to make it up to you? _All I ever wanted was to love you_. _You said you'd always be there—you said you'd always forgive me—and you lied. Why did you lie Bo? Why did you give up on me—on us? I never gave up on YOU—not once—and I certainly never gave up on us. I spent ten years away from you and this god forsaken town and you never even tried to find me_. I was _always_ up to date on YOU. Maybe if I had been more like your other women—is that what you want? Do you want me to be more like them?

Her hands started to tremble and Bo took that as his chance. He moved in closer as he looked at her.

Bo: No baby. I don't EVER want you to change. I've_ always_ loved you just the way you are. I still do. Now please just give me your hand? If you need a reason to live then here it is—I_ love you Nora Buchanan._ And if you think that I am going to give up on you now then you're wrong. I'm sorry for doing it before—I'm sorry for _letting_ you walk out of my life—I'm sorry for _Everything_ I EVER did to hurt you-- but I WON'T make that mistake again. _You mean the world to me. I love you more then anything. I need you to be ok. I need you to live. I would never survive loosing you. Please don't do this to yourself and everyone who loves you. We need you Nora—I need you_.

Nora: I'm tired Bo. I'm so unbelievably tired. I just want to go to sleep. Can I go to sleep now?

Bo: You can sleep after you give me your hand. You can sleep after I get you off of that ledge. I'll take care of you Red. I promise I'll take care of you. Don't I _always_ take care of you?

Nora: No one took care of me the way you did—until you didn't.

Bo: I know you don't trust me. I know you don't feel safe. But I just want to help you. Please Nora. Give me your hand. Let me help you the way you helped me.

Nora looked up into his eyes and tried to figure out if he was sincere. Hesitantly, she was about to give him her hand when she tripped. She fell down the roof and grabbed on to the railing. Her hands started to slip when Bo grabbed them and started to pull her up.

Bo: Come on Baby… you can do it. I'm right here.

Eventually she was in his arms after he pulled her up. He held her as tight as she would let him when she collapsed in tears.

Bo: It's ok sweetheart. I got you. You're going to be just fine now. Just let it all out. You're safe now.

She started to become hysterical and he held her tighter. When she became almost catatonic, He picked her up off the ground and carried her out of the snow. It wasn't until he got to the car that he realized she was practically frozen and was loosing consciousness.

Bo: _Ok Nora—you hold on just a little longer. I DIDN'T pull you off that ledge just to have you die of hypothermia. Don't You DARE quit on me. We have a future to talk about. I LOVE YOU. The sooner you get that through your INCREDIBLY hard head the better off we'll BOTH be_.

TBC


	20. Empty Part 20

Empty- Part 20

Every minute that he spent stalled in traffic was another minute that he spent waiting to watch Nora die. The color in her face had drained and she was practically turning blue. He tried to wake her but she wouldn't budge. Her skin was ice cold and she had a very weak pulse. Why didn't he figure out she needed help BEFORE they left the parking lot.

Bo: Damn it Nora. Don't do this to me. I WON'T loose you again.

Though she had been unconscious since he got her off that ledge, every now and then he could hear the faint sounds of her mumbling. And this time she had been talking about their wedding. She opened her eyes briefly and mistakenly thought they were on their way to the church to get married. He simply didn't have the heart to tell her that she was delusional because of the hypothermia.

Realizing that there was _no way_ he could sit here in the middle of a snowstorm and wait for traffic to move, he got out of the car, grabbed a blanket and wrapped her up in it. He walked about a mile on foot to make it to the hospital and by the time he got there, her heart had practically stopped. The doctor on call motioned for him to put her on the gurney and he watched as they led her into the ER. The nurse came back with a blanket and some Coffee. He smiled briefly as he wrapped the blanket around himself and took small sips of coffee to warm him. He remembered signing consent forms but everything was such a blur that he didn't remember what for. He just stood there and watched as the doctors tried to revive her. After what seemed like an eternity they finally came out. He could feel his heart stop as he waited for news.

Bo: What is it? How bad is she?

Doctor: She's lucky to be alive. If she had gotten here any later she would be dead. What in Gods name was she doing on the roof in the middle of a snowstorm?

Bo: Trying to throw herself OFF of it. (Pause) Look, doc, you KNOW what Nora's been through, or at least SOME of it. She's in a bad way. And a lot of that is MY fault. But we were_ just _starting to get somewhere when all of this happened. PLEASE tell me she's going to be all right.

Doctor: She has a bad case of hypothermia. And the reason that her heart stopped for a few minutes is because her throat closed up. We had to insert a tube to clear the passage ways. She should be fine once her body heat gets back to normal.

Bo: Anything else…

Doctor: Well we did find something surprising in her blood work.

Bo: Please tell me it's not more bad news. I don't think Nora could handle it.

Doctor: Actually it's good news...for both of you—and possibly for Matthew. She's—she's pregnant. I'm guessing that it would make YOU the prospective father.

Bo: As far as I know.

Doctor: Then Matthew just might have gained some hope. A sibling is the best chance he has for a donor.

Bo: Then take whatever tests you need to take. This is all safe right?

Doctor: Completely. We can take a sample from the umbilical chord. Nora just might have gotten some _good_ news for a change… You can tell her that when you see her?

Bo: I just hope that this is what she needs to help her recover. I can't stand to see her want to die. She has no idea how much life she brings to the world.

Doctor: Then tell her that.

Bo: I plan on it.

The doctor led her into Nora's room and he had to choke back the tears when he saw how pale she looked. He sat down next to her and took her hand in his.

Bo: You know... you didn't have to make such a scene. If you wanted my attention you could have just asked. (Pause) Please baby—No more drama. I can't stand to see you in so much pain. I love you _so_ much that it literally consumes me sometimes. Come back to me Nora. Let me help you.

When her eyes began to flutter open, he just watched her and smiled.

Bo: Welcome back sleeping beauty.

Nora (noticing her surroundings): What am I doing in the hospital?

Bo: How much do you remember?

Nora: I—Oh No—I tried to kill myself again didn't I?

Bo: Not a very attractive habit sweetheart.

Nora: I'm sorry. I'm just… I…

Bo: I know. But I just have one question for you.

Nora: What?

Bo: Do you _really_ want to die? Nora, I don't think you know _just_ how close you came to it tonight. Your heart _stopped_. And when it did, I could swear that _mine_ did too. It wasn't as literal but I'm_ not_ exaggerating when I tell you that I felt like I couldn't breathe. Is there something that you're not telling me about these last ten years? Because I get the feeling that you wouldn't be quite so determined to end it if something bad hadn't happened? I'm not saying that what happened to you wasn't terrible because it was but Nora, I know you. You're not telling me everything. What are you so determined not to tell me?

Nora: Bo, I can't. Not because I don't want to but because it's not allowed. When I came to town I was sworn to secrecy. I'm already breaking all kinds of rules by getting involved with you again. If my superiors find out I'm even HAVING this conversation then I'm toast. I've been on suspension before. Please don't cost me my job. It's the _last _thing I have left in my life that _hasn't_ been tarnished. I'm begging you to let this go.

Bo: Fine. But Nora, this _isn't_ healthy. If you _can't_ talk to_ me_ then you _need_ to talk to SOMEONE. You _can't _keep going this way.

Nora: Don't you think I KNOW that? I don't know what to do anymore Bo. I've _never _been this far out of reach and I feel like it's suffocating me. I don't want to go to that dark place again?

Bo: Again?

Nora: Bo please—

Bo: Nora, how do you expect me to _not_ push this? You're in pain—you're suffering. You tried to end it all on MORE then one occasion. And I can't stand to see you this way. I KNOW that something bad happened. Please just talk to me. Please just tell me what kind of hell you had to suffer. Let me help you.

Nora: Let's just say that I trusted the wrong person and I ended up loosing more then myself in the process. Can we not talk about this right now Bo? I have too much on my plate as it is. I don't want to go back there. PLEASE don't make me.

Bo: I would never MAKE you do anything. Is that what this is about? Were you raped? I'll drop the whole thing Nora but I don't think it's going to do you any good if I do. You_ need_ to talk about whatever it is that's got you running scared and I think we _both_ know what it is. So I just have one question for you and I'd appreciate an honest answer. Was it Sam? Is he the one who raped you? Nora come on—you can talk to me. If we know what we're dealing with then we can fight it.

Nora: You can't fight_ this_ Bo. And I wish you'd just leave it alone. It's _not_ going to change anything. I _can't_do this. _Please _just drop it.

Bo: All right. The_ last_ thing I want to do is pressure you into _anything_. But I _need _you to know how much I love you. So tell me what I can do to make this easier for you?

Nora: You can't.

Bo: All right. Then I'm just going to do what _I've_ been wanting to do since you woke up.

He didn't say anything more. He just climbed into the hospital bed and pulled her into his arms. She put her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

Bo: I love you Nora. I'm not sure you know how much.

Nora: I think I DO… because I love you too. I'm sorry for making your life so hard.

Bo: Nora, you DON'T make my life hard—you make it _wonderful._ I just wish you could trust it—trust me.

Nora: I want to. Believe me I want to.

Bo: Then how about we just wipe the slate clean and start over? Do you think you can do that? I'm not going to give up on you.

Nora: Then I guess I don't have a choice.

Bo: Not when it's something this important.

Nora: How important?

Bo: Important enough for me to ask you to be my girl forever.

Nora: Are you---

Bo: I'm asking you to marry me. I'm asking you to take _one_ more shot on me and be my wife. We've got a future to plan Red—and a child on the way—

Nora: _What?_ _Are you saying I'm pregnant?_

TBC


	21. Empty Part 21

**Empty- Part 21**

She could feel the tears well in her eyes but they were happy ones. She didn't even think it was _possible_ for her anymore and the thought of it made her afraid to hope.

Nora: Bo, you're not—

Bo: Nora, they told_ me_ because they thought it might give you something to hope for. And they just assumed that_ I _was the father of your child. I'm guessing that's not wrong.

Nora: There's been _no one _since you. But I—I didn't even _think_ there was a chance.

Bo: Well _obviously_ you were wrong. There's not only a chance—it IS. They're testing to see if maybe this child could save Matthew.

Nora: So we—we're going to have another child? This isn't just a dream is it?

Bo: If it is then I'M having the same one. (He leans in and kisses her gently) Nora, _I love you_. We're going to have another child together. Those two things are NOT going to change when you wake up in the morning. What IS going to change is this self-destructive behavior of yours. I _know_ you're going through hell but you have GOT to stop with the suicide attempts. Honey, there are MUCH better things you could be doing with your frustration.

Nora: Bo, I_ can't_ just snap my fingers and be ok.

Bo: I know. But what you CAN do is_ let_ someone help you. When are you going to let me_ in_ sweetheart? Don't you understand that_ loving you _is _just_ as vital as the air I need to breathe? You spend _so_ much time taking care of _everyone_ else that you _neglect _to take care of _yourself _and_ look_ at how THAT turned out. _When_ are you going to_ let_ someone love you back—_when _are you going to_ let_ someone take care of you? You DON'T have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Nora: If you KNEW half of the things that happened when I was away—

Bo: _What? I wouldn't love you anymore?_ I think you've under-estimated _just _how _strong_ that love can be?

Nora: But you _didn't_ stick around before? _What _happens if you _can't_ hack it_ this_ time? I_ don't _want to start things up again if you're _just_ going to leave again?

Bo: Nora, I _want_ to marry you. YOU'RE the one who's dragging your feet.

Nora: You _don't_ understand—

Bo: I'm _trying_. But you _refuse_ to _let_ me_ in_. How can I _understand _what you've_ been _through if you _won't_ talk to me.

Nora: I-- I can't marry you Bo. And it's_ not _because I don't want to—it's because I can't. I'm just—

Bo: What? Nora, what _aren't _you telling me? Why are you_ so _afraid? Who hurt you _so_ bad that you're closing yourself off from _real_ happiness? _What the hell happened to you when you were away? _Please—Nora I'm _not_ trying to push—I _just_ want to know _why_ you've been broken _so _badly. And I DON'T think this has to do with what happened between _us_ in the past? The trauma that you've been through— Something BAD happened.

Nora: Do we HAVE to talk about this Bo? I CAN'T do this.

Bo: You NEVER can. And _that's _what worries me. You've _always_ been one to_ confront _your problems head on—_now_ you're _running_ away. _I'm worried about you_. I'm worried that you're_ just _going to _keep _sinking further and further into yourself until I _never_ see you again. _Please_ don't do that to _me_ sweetheart. _Please _don't do that to _everyone_ who loves you. Let _me_ help you. Let _someone_ help you. But DON'T shut down like this._ I need you too dam much. _

TBC


	22. Empty Part 22

**Empty- Part 22**

John showed up at the hospital to check on Nora and Bo decided to give them some time alone since he didn't seem to be getting anywhere with her. Before he left, she grabbed his hand to indicate that she wanted to speak to him.

Nora: I'm sorry Bo. I _know _that I'm not making things very easy for you.

Bo:_ Easy_ isn't exactly a word I'd use to describe you. But you ARE worth it so I'll wait for you. I just hope you know that I'm _not _going to go screaming into the night this time. _I love you_ and right now_ I'm worried about you. _If you _can't_ talk to _me_ then_ please_ talk to John.

He gave her a kiss on the head and turned to John.

Bo:_ Please_ take care of her. She's _not_ as strong as she looks.

After he left, John turned to Nora.

John: You _do_ realize that he _knows_ you better then you think. You're NOT going to be able to_ keep_ lying.

Nora: I _can't _tell him John. If I loose my job over this—

John: Is that what this is about? Look, I KNOW what they said but screw the rules for a second. I'm NOT going to let them railroad my best friend and partner. If _that's_ the reason you haven't told Bo then DON'T hide behind a technicality. I _will _protect you just like I ALWAYS have.

Nora: It's not the ONLY reason. I'm still scared.

John: Of _what_ exactly? Nora, the man is _crazy _about you. I was determined to hate him because of what he did to you but even someone who_ didn't _know your history could tell that things are different this time. I_ can't _hate a man who _only_ wants to love you. WHY do you KEEP insisting on putting up these walls? _Don't _you _want _to be healed?

Nora: You don't understand what I have to loose John? I can't do this again?

John: You can't do WHAT?

He sat down next to her bed and took her hand, knowing EXACTLY what she meant.

John: Nora, listen to me. I KNOW that you're _running away _from what happened and you_ think _that you can save Bo by pushing him away. But history _doesn't_ have to repeat itself.

Nora: But what if it does? I'm _trying_ to protect him you know? I'm _trying _to protect ALL of them. If I loose my head because I get _so_ caught up in my love life then—

John: This _isn't_ about that child is it? It's about what happened to Hannah?

Nora (Tears in her eyes): She was my _best friend _on the force before _you_ came on. She was my _partner_ . And she was shot right in front of me.

John: It _wasn't _your fault. Nora, there was NOTHING you could have done.

Nora: But there _was_. This whole thing is about ME. First they come after Hannah. My God, her_ last_ moments on earth were _torture_. They made me _watch_ when they killed her. And then they got more personal.

John: They almost killed your daughter.

Nora: God John—my heart almost _stopped _then. It was a warning you know? _Next time _she _won't _be so lucky?

John: And let's not forget what these animals did to YOU. Nora, YOU suffered too. They tried to come after Matthew but you caught them in the act? And _then_ what happened? You were beaten and raped. I KNOW you haven't recovered from that fully sweetheart.

Nora: This _isn't _about ME John. They're _trying_ to get to the Buchanan's because they KNOW it will hurt me.

John: One of these days you are _going_ to have to _deal_ with your rape. You have been going non stop since it happened. You are either throwing yourself _into_ relationships or _pulling away _all together and it's NOT healthy. Bo's right to worry about you—_I'm_ worried about you too. You've been suicidal for _years. _

Nora: Because I feel like_ everything _that happened is _my_ fault. I _should_ have been able to save—

John: You saved Matthew. And you paid the ultimate price. It's _not _your fault that some animal decided he wanted to come after your family. And I _know_ that watching your best friend murdered has been _part _of why you've been so traumatized. You've been through _so_ much Nora.

Nora: I'm in therapy John.

John: Doesn't mean you're ok.

Nora: I'm just worried. What if they come after Viki—or—

John: Or Bo---

Nora: John, I'd _never_ survive if something happened to him—or her—she's my best friend—even more then Hannah was-- she's_ been _there for me—when NO ONE else even gave a dam. I will NOT let them take another friend from me. And Bo—despite everything, I can't even _begin_ to imagine what my life would be like_ without _him. I _can't_ stand here and pretend that I _don't_ love him because I _do_. Just because I can't marry him—

John: Wait a minute? Bo asked you to marry him and you turned him down? Nora,_What in the world are you thinking?_ This is what you've _wanted_ all along? _Don't _tell me you're _still _worried about the past?

Nora: I'm worried about the future. I'm pregnant John. And I'm scared to death of what's going to happen if—

John: Ok that's it. If you're _not _going to tell Bo the truth—

Nora: John please—

John: Nora, you NEED protection. I _can't_ have you out there vulnerable.

Nora: John if I tell Bo then I'll put _everyone_ in danger and I _can't_ live with _another_ death on my conscience. It's bad enough that I've _had_ to live with _two. _

John: Ok fine. Then you're _going_ to move in with _me_.

Nora: _What? _

John: _Nora, I mean it_. You either tell Bo the truth or you move in with me. Living with Viki_ isn't_ going to accomplish what you want and I _need_ to know that you and that child you're carrying are safe. So _what's_ it going to be Nora?

Nora: You drive a hard bargain agent Mcbain.

John: When it comes to _you_, I DON'T take any chances. I care about you Nora. I'm NOT going to let ANYONE hurt you. You've been hurt enough.

Nora: Ok then…

John: is that a yes?

Nora: You give me _no_ choice. (She hugged him) I'm _not _going to shut Bo out forever John. Believe it or not there is NOTHING that I want more then to marry him and start a life with him. I love him—more then I have EVER loved anyone. But I WON'T put him in danger. I would rather walk away now and know that he's safe then spend one more minute with him and worry that he'll be gunned down like Hannah. I _can't_ take any more deaths or near deaths.

John: then _maybe_ you should let ME talk to him. If _you_ do it then he'll KNOW that you're lying. You're a HORRIBLE liar Nora.

Nora: Thanks John.

John: Hey—I would do ANYTHING for you. (He gave her a kiss on her head) Get some sleep. And just so you know, you have an agent posted outside your door. I want you safe.

After he walked away, he found Bo sitting with a cup of coffee.

John: I _know_ you love her. And that's why I _don't_ hate you. But you _have_ to trust that she _knows _what she's doing. I _can't_ break her confidence but I _can _tell you that she _loves you _and _everything_ she is doing is for YOU.

Bo: What are you getting at?

John: You're probably not going to like this but she's moving in with ME for a while. It's the _only_ compromise I could get her to agree to and since we _both_ care about her I think we can agree that we _want _her safe.

Bo: You'd be correct.

John: Ok then PLEASE don't fight her. Right now she _needs_ to concentrate on this case. It's important to her Bo. And this job is _all _she has left right now. She loves you but she feels like she can't be with you right now. Can you respect that?

Bo: If you're saying that she doesn't want to be with me then I have to hear it from _her_.

John: That's _not _what I'm saying. I'm saying she needs time.

Bo: Time I can give her… but_ only_ if I hear it from _her._ Thanks for the heads up John. I _know_ you were ONLY trying to spare her more pain. But you'll have to forgive me if I _can't _believe _any _of this _without _hearing it from _her._

John: Be gentle with her. She's _not_ in good shape.

Bo: I know. And I will. I just want her to be ok and to know that I love her.

He walked into her hospital room and sat down next to her, taking her hand.

Bo: So I hear you're moving in with John—

Nora: Bo—

Bo: I just have one question Red. Do you REALLY not want to be with me?

TBC


	23. Empty Part 23

**Empty- Part 23**

Nora looked at him, the tears in her eyes now more then just drops, and she was afraid to believe anything he had said. She wanted to trust in her heart but she knew that she had been wrong before—she wanted to trust in his but he had cast her aside too many times in the past. She struggled to find her voice when he looked at her, waiting for an answer. The _only_ thing she could do was cry.

Nora: Do you have_ any_ idea how sick I am of crying? I've spent the good part of a decade doing _nothing_ else. It's a miracle that I'm not dehydrated.

Bo: Then why don't you just allow yourself to be happy?

Nora: Because I can't afford to. No matter how much I might want to believe in forever, it just doesn't exist. There is ALWAYS another shoe ready to drop and pull the rug out from under me.

Bo: Since when were you this cynical?

Nora: Since_ you _left me high and dry and never _once _looked back. I left town Bo—I left town because I couldn't stand to be in a town where you didn't belong to me. I wasn't going to stick around and watch you prove to me that you couldn't be more over me if you tried.

Bo: Nora, that's not even _close _to the truth.

Nora: _Really?_ Then _maybe _you can explain to me why whenever I picked up the dam newspaper there was some article about you and your current flavor of the month._ How _many women were there Bo? And _why_ was it _always_ the same old story? Was it just ME you didn't want? Did you _prefer _the lying, scheming tram**… because if _that's _what you wanted, maybe _I _should have been more like _them?_ Then maybe you would have looked at me twice… maybe you wouldn't have found it so easy to walk away.

Bo: Easy? You think ANY of this was easy?

Nora: If you loved me as much as you claim, then _why_ didn't you come after me? Don't you understand that I _wanted_ you to come after me? _Why_ didn't you fight for me? _Why_ did you act like I meant nothing at all to you? And WHY did you have to take up with the ONE person you KNEW would kill me? You can't exactly claim ignorance on that one can you?

Bo: What can I say? I'm not exactly skilled at dealing with a broken heart.

Nora: DON'T—don't you DARE put this on ME. _You had a choice Bo._ You _could_ have acted like a man and fought for what YOU wanted. Instead--- you just gave up. You gave up on me—on us—and even on yourself. And now that you lost everything—now that your _current_ flavor of the month turned out to be a cold blooded killer—Well you've decided that suddenly I'm good enough for you after all? Well guess what Bo? You CAN'T do that to me. I WON'T let you use me to make yourself feel better. I've spent a decade without you—I've learned to live _without _you--- it hurts but I've survived.

Bo: Is that what you want? Do you_ really_ just want to survive?

Nora (Tears in her eyes): Did you REALLY think I'd just go running back to you Bo? Did you think I'd forget that you broke _every _promise you _ever _made to me? I_ don't _trust _anything _you say. I _don't _believe a word out of your mouth. You only use my words against me. And you use my pain to exploit me. What kind of man are you Bo? You hurt me. You left me broken. And then what did you do? The_ one _thing you KNEW would hurt me the most… you took up with my mortal enemy—the _very _person who broke up OUR marriage. So tell me something will you? HOW long did it take her to get you into bed? A minute, an hour, a day… WHAT?

Bo: Nora—

Nora: You know what—forget it? I don't want to know. What I _do_ want to know is why you think I SHOULD marry you. Why should I give you the chance to break my heart again?

He sat down next to her and took her hand.

Bo: Are you done now? Or do you want to throw something else at me?

Nora: Are you making fun of me ?

Bo: No. You have every right to your feelings. I was a complete and total jack ass. There's _no_ getting around that. I just want to make sure that you're done so that I can have MY say.

Nora: You have the floor. I'm done now.

Bo: Ok. You want to know why you should marry me. I would tell you that it's for our child but I know you wouldn't buy that one any more then I would. The truth is that no matter what happens in our lives, no matter who we end up with, we ALWAYS wind up back here. I love you Nora. I know you don't believe that right now but it's true. Can't we at least _try_ to get this right? Would you_ really_ be able to live with not knowing if we stood a chance?

Nora: I'll tell you what I CAN'T live with. I can't live with you coming back into my life and then leaving me again. I would rather walk away now with some dignity then hold out for some kind of hope and have you crush my heart again. I wouldn't survive it a second time—I barely survived the first time. Do you _know _how many times I wanted to kill myself over it? I tried to—_so_ many times. I just wanted the pain to stop. I figured that nobody would miss me.

Bo: You're going to need to explain that to me Nora. I just don't get how the strongest person I know could be so despondent that she would rather die. You've _never_ been that person before

Nora: Yeah well I never knew what it felt like to lose _everything _before…

Bo: What does that _mean_ sweetheart? You _can't _just be talking about us?

Nora: I'm talking about _everything_. You and me, Matthew—my roommate—and—(Tears in her eyes) and Rachel.

Bo: _What do you mean Rachel? _What happened to her?

Nora(Crying): She's-- she's gone.

TBC


	24. Empty Part 24

**Empty- Part 24**

**Rated PG 13 For Reference to violence**

Bo: When you say gone—Nora, you don't mean—

Nora: Well I _don't _mean she's on vacation.

Bo: What happened?

Nora: Bo, I—I'm not sure I can talk about this with you.

Bo: Why? Nobody understands what you're going through more then I do.

Nora: I don't WANT understanding. _Dam it I just want my baby back. _

Bo: I get that. I've been there. But you_ can't _pretend that it doesn't exist. It obviously hasn't been working.

Nora (Pausing): You want to know what happened. _Get me out of this dam hospital bed._ We'll talk then.

He looked at her with a look that said he wasn't sure it was such a good idea to leave her alone but she promised him she would be ok for a few minutes. That was a lie. The minute he was gone she broke down. She thought she had used up all her tears but she suddenly found more. She just couldn't stop crying.

About a half hour later they were walking into his hotel room. She made note of the fact that it was still exactly as she remembered and she didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She sat down on the bed and looked at him with a look of reservation.

Nora: First I need you to check for bugs. Don't question it—just do it.

When he did as she asked, he was surprised to find a few. She watched as he destroyed them.

Nora (Pausing): I guess the first thing you need to know is that this serial killer isn't just going after random people. They're targeting you're family—and the reason they're targeting them is because of me. The first victim was my old partner—my best friend. She was killed right in front of me. Then they got more personal. They put Rachel in the hospital as a warning. That time she lived.

Bo: Can you tell me what happened?

Nora: I was on assignment. John was with me. I don't really know exactly what happened because it's all a blur to me now. I just know that things got out of hand. I was drunk at the time. I shouldn't have been working. John tried to protect me but he couldn't… the perp got a jump on me.

He reached out his hand to her as the tears came more freely now.

Bo: Nora, what happened?

Nora: Rachel showed up. I don't really know why she was there but she tried to help me. This guy was insane. There was nothing either John or Rachel could do—I ended up being raped. It was the worst night of my life Bo. The brutality… Knowing that this guy made my daughter watch. I just kept looking at the clock. After I finally stopped fighting I just wanted to focus on something—anything but what was happening. And when it was over, I couldn't move. I just sat there—numb from the pain. I thought that would be it. But then he went after my baby. I thought I was going to kill him but somehow he got away—and Rachel was injured… pretty bad. I found out later it was a message. I wasn't even supposed to be there—it was all intended for her. I guess in a way I saved her life. I was the one who was raped.

Bo: Oh Nora, I can't even_ begin_ to imagine what you must have went through.

Nora: It was hell. And after that night my self-destruction just got worse. I couldn't handle it Bo. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin. _Everything_ scared me. I couldn't bare to be touched—not even when I wanted to… and then I went the other way… _needing_ to be touched as often as possible. That's why I had these no strings affairs. I needed the affection—I needed to feel _something_ to get rid of the bad dreams and feeling of complete violation.

Bo: Did it work?

Nora: No. It just made me hate myself more. I know I wasn't supposed to blame myself but I just kept thinking that if I hadn't been drinking then maybe I could have stopped it.

Bo: That's insane sweetheart. John couldn't even stop this maniac—what makes you think _you_ could have.

Nora: I should have been stronger. I should have been able to—to—

When she started to cry, he wrapped his around her.

Bo: Honey, this_ isn't_ your fault. Please tell me you believe that.

Nora: I do… on most days. But then---

Bo: What happened Nora? How did you go from that night to Rachel's funeral?

Nora: This guy knows _every_ move I make. When he got tired of tormenting me through tainted flowers or poisoned waffles—

Bo: WHAT? Nora, he tried to kill you?

Nora: No—he just wanted me to THINK he was. He was playing head games with me Bo. I was scared—not just for MY life—but for my kids. And then one day I got the call.

Bo: What call?

Nora (Tears in her eyes): He made me choose. He said_ one_ of my kids was going to pay for my sins and I had to guess which one was going to die. He wouldn't tell me which one. I didn't know what to do Bo?_ How the hell do you chose between your kids? _But if I did nothing I'd lose them both. I went after Matthew because I thought that Rachel could take care of herself. About halfway there I realized I had chosen wrong. I don't know what it was but there was something in his voice. I turned the car around and drove as fast as I could but I was too late. He shot her right in front of me. My God Bo, he shot her in the head. I tried to call 911 but it was too late. She died in my arms. To this day I will _never_ know if she knew that I _wasn't_ choosing her brother over her. You know what her final words to me were? "I love you mama." God that tore me apart. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. I didn't get to tell her that I loved her and I'm sorry. She just slipped away as I held her face in my hands. That night something in me died. I know how you feel now.

Bo: Oh Nora—I NEVER wanted you to know how that feels. Rachel was an _incredible _woman. You _didn't _deserve to lose her. Nobody did. How's Hank?

Nora: Devastated—just like me. But he managed to pull himself out of this dark hole and move on because it's what Rachel would want. I tried to get him to tell me how he did it but all he could tell me is one day at a time—one foot in front of the other. I couldn't do it Bo. I still have images of her being gunned down—of her lifeless body slipping away in my arms—of them taking her away. I threw myself on the gurney when they led her away. You want to know why my life has been such a mess… This is it. I have had one bad thing after another. And the day I buried my little girl is the day they ripped my heart out. I didn't come back here for you Bo—I came back here for _her._

Bo: What do you mean?

Nora: I want to find out who this maniac is—I want to make him suffer.

Bo: Nora—

Nora: no don't. _Don't_ try to talk me out of this Bo. They killed my little girl. I need to look him in the eyes and make sure he knows that I will destroy him. I'm not going to kill him—that would be too good for him. But what I am going to do is make him beg for mercy. I want him to know what he put HER through.

Bo: You keep saying him? Do you have some idea who it is?

Nora: There's only _one _person I know of Besides Lindsay, who has an airtight Alibi that hates me enough to kill?

Bo: Sam…

Nora: Yeah, Sam. And if I find out he's responsible—

Bo: There won't be anywhere he can run that's safe enough—He's going down.

TBC


	25. Empty Part 25

**Empty- Part 25**

Bo: Do you really think that—

Nora: Do I think he's capable? _Your damn right I do_. He's already brainwashed Matthew into hating me. He lied to a judge so I'd lose custody. EVERYTHING bad that has happened to me in the last ten years has been _because_ of that son of a bitch.

Bo: Ok? But murder? Nora, do you even _realize_ what you're saying?

Nora: I know EXACTLY what I'm saying. _That bastard killed my daughter_. And believe me when I tell you that I am NOT going to be satisfied until he's on death row. He's killed _two_ people that I know of—_one _of them was my kid—and there is NO WAY I am letting him walk on this one. He not only killed Rachel but then he almost let Matthew die to protect his dirty little secret. And he still COULD die. Bo, he has cancer. I can live with him hating me. At least then I still have a chance. But I _can't _lose another child. I just can't. When they took Rachel away, I _wanted_ to die. Hell, I TRIED to die. That's why I'm not worried about myself. I seem to have nine lives. It's everyone around me I'm worried about. They seem to be dying in numbers.

Bo: If you think I am going to let you risk your life all by yourself—

Nora: Bo, I _can't_ lose you too. I'm barely hanging on. Please just stay away from me.

Bo: I _can't_ do that. Not just because I love you and we're going to have another child but because I'm _not_ going to make it easier for you to check out on us.

Nora: You're better off without me._ Look _at the damage I've brought into your life. There's already a trail of dead bodies.

Bo: Nora, that's _not_ your fault.

Nora: How is it _not_ my fault? I was stupid enough to trust him. I brought him into our lives. I didn't see his obsession with me.

Bo: Would you _stop_ calling yourself stupid? (He took her face in his hands) Nora, you trusted the guy. You saw the good in him. That's not a bad thing—it's who you are. And you know what? I admire that. I wish that more people had that genuine goodness in them.

Nora: Why can't you see that I'm toxic for you… _and_ your family… if ONE more person dies because of _me?_

Bo: First of all, you're NOT toxic. You're the best thing that has EVER happened to me _or_ my family… You're the glue that holds us together…

Nora: I can't even hold MYSELF together Bo

Bo: Then let me help you. If you _think_ that I'm going to let you self destruct the same way I did—

Nora: It's too late for that. I've probably already got you beat.

Bo: Then why don't you tell me what I can do to make things better? There's got to be something?

Nora: _You can tell me how the hell I'm supposed to say goodbye?_ I've got my daughters ashes in my closet. I haven't even gone through her things. I haven't had a memorial service because other then Hank I haven't told a living soul that she died. It's been a few years but I couldn't say it out loud. That would make it real.

Bo: Do you think you would be up for a small baby step then?

Nora: What kind of baby step?

Bo: Admitting the truth—letting your friends help you—

Nora: I told YOU didn't I?

Bo: Now you need to follow through. How about _I _help you go through her things?

Nora: Bo—

Bo: ONE room Nora. If you can make it into the house, I'll carry you the rest of the way. You_ need _to do this for your sanity. You're _never_ going to be ok until you can admit to yourself that she's gone and I think you need to face the last place she was alive.

Nora: But that's hours—

Bo: I've got control of the family jet remember?

Nora: Bo, I—

Bo: If it's too much then I promise to get you out of there. You don't have to go through her whole apartment Red—but don't you think you should start? Nora, neither of you will have ANY peace until you do.

Nora: If I agree to let you help me then you _can't _go reading anything into this.

Bo: You're secret is safe with me. But for the record sweetheart—just because I'm too much of a gentleman to take advantage of a grieving mother doesn't mean I'm going to just give up. You can push me all you want, I'll keep coming back. I broke down your walls once before, DON'T think I won't do it again.

Nora: I don't know why you bother.

Bo: Because I love you—and because you're worth it. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I let you leave town without telling you how I feel._ I sure as hell am not doing it again_.

Nora: And I can't possibly talk you out of this can I?

Bo: Not a chance.

Nora: Then I guess all I can say is that you have your work cut out for you.

Bo: Don't I know it. (Pausing) Are you ready to go?

Nora: Before we go, I need to talk to John. Do you think you can call him? This is the _only_ place that has no bugs right now. I need to tell him the score. He's my partner and my best friend. He needs to know who did this.

Bo: You didn't tell him?

Nora: I couldn't. If Sam finds out I suspect him, he's going to cover his tracks. And I will NOT risk letting my daughters killer slip through the cracks. But since this place has been swept for bugs and gotten a clean bill, then I have to believe it's safe. We _can't _do this on our own Bo. _You_ can work the Police angle. John and I will work the FBI angle. Between the three of us, we SHOULD be able to trip him up. But no Vigilante Justice Bo. I want this done by the book. I want there to be NO possibility of him getting off due to a technicality. For once in my life, I WILL get justice. Not for me—but for Rachel. She deserved better then she got.

Bo: She did.

He pulled her into his arms for a hug when she cried and kissed the top of her head.

Bo: We're in this together sweetheart. I _loved_ your daughter like my own. We WILL get her justice. (Pause) Sit tight. I'll go call John.

She sat down on the couch as he walked away and pulled out a picture of her and Rachel. Running her hand across her face, she could feel a single tear slip on to the photo.

Nora: I miss you _so_ much Rikki. I'm sorry I couldn't save you in time. I'm sorry I put you in danger in the first place. It SHOULD have been me.

TBC


	26. Empty Part 26

**Empty- Part 26**

As she sat on the couch staring off into nothing but empty space, she couldn't help but think that it matched the storm she was feeling. She clutched the picture in her hands as if her life depended on it as the tears she thought were all cried out continued to fall from her eyes. She didn't know how she was supposed to live in a world without her child—she didn't think she had the strength to keep her emotions in check when dealing with her killer. At this point in time, she wasn't even sure how she was going to get through the next hour, let alone a lifetime.

She looked up briefly when Bo came and sat next to her, handing her a cup of tea.

Bo: I think you need it for your nerves.

Nora: Thanks Bo—and _not _just for the tea. I _really_ don't think I could have made it _this far _without you.

Bo: _You_ were there for _me._ _You wouldn't_ let _me _give up. I'm NOT going to let YOU give up.

Nora: I haven't exactly made things easy have I?

Bo: Nora, you're grieving._ Nobody_ can expect you to be on your best behavior._ I_ certainly don't. It's not as if you're not justified in all this mistrust. _Everyone_ you _ever _believed in let you down—_including_ me. I'm just sorry that you have to deal with that on top of everything else.

Nora: If you can find a way to keep me from killing Sam then I might be willing to consider us even. I'm really not sure how I'm going to question him for what he did to Matthew without letting on that I know.

Bo: Maybe you should let John handle that. Aren't you a little too close?

Nora: Maybe. But has that _ever _stopped YOU before?

Bo: Point taken. With that being said, if you need some backup, I'll be there in a heartbeat. I don't think _I_ have to fake wanting to kill him.

Nora: YOU have to be the sane one. You're the _only_ one Matthew's talking to right now.

He was about to say something further when the doorbell rang. He turned to her and smiled.

Bo: You ready?

She got up off the couch and surprised him by giving him a kiss.

Nora: If you can back me up if I falter.

Bo: Always.

They walked to the door together and the minute John saw her face he knew something bad had happened. He walked into her arms and held her when she cried. They walked over to the couch as Nora explained the story she had previously told Bo and how she needs him to be careful what he says because she can't risk that Sam will get off on a technicality. After she had relayed her story, John just took her hands and looked at her.

John: Oh sweetie, why didn't you tell me?

Nora: It wasn't about trust John. I just couldn't admit it to _myself_. I've been living in hell for the last few years. I have some deranged psychopath who's trying to kill me and the people I love. He's already killed one of my best friends and my daughter—I _can't_ lose anyone else. I need you to handle things here for a while.

John: You KNOW that I always have your back. Are you sure you're going to be ok?

Nora (Looking at Bo): I _will_ as long as I know that YOU'RE going to keep an eye on him. I _need_ Justice John. If he _walks_ on a technicality—

John: Don't you worry about that sweetheart. I'm NOT letting that creep out of my sight. We'll know _every_ move he makes and_ when_ he trips up we'll get him. I swear to you Nora—I'm going to make him pay for what he did to you.

Nora: I think I needed to hear that.

She gave him a hug and stood up from the couch. John turned to Bo.

John: You _better _take good care of her. I _don't _want to find out that she's had to endure _any_ more pain at _your _hands.

Bo: You have my word.

John: Good. Then we won't have a problem. Just know that _if_ you hurt her again I'll break every bone in your body.

They said nothing more as they walked to the door. Nora turned back to face John one more time.

Nora: Remember not to say anything to anyone John. Lives are at stake.

John: I think I'm going to have to tell Viki. You and I both know she needs to be aware.

Nora: I have no problem with that. She's been one of my only true friends. Just make sure it's _here._ I don't want her in _any_ more danger then she already _is._

John: You have my word sweetheart.

Nora: Thanks. Thanks for everything.

After they walked out the door, John picked up the phone.

John: Viki its John. I need you to get over here as soon as possible. We need to talk about that incident at the gallery.

He hung up and hoped she got the code word.

_A few hours later_

They arrived at the apartment ahead of schedule. Nora just stood there for a few minutes as memories flooded her mind. When she began to lose her footing, Bo grabbed on to her for support.

Nora: I'm not sure I can do this Bo.

Bo: Honey its ok. I'll be there to catch you if you fall.

She hesitantly took a step forward—and walked up the steps. When she opened the door, she felt her heart sink. She saw pieces of clothing scattered on the floor and dishes in the sink. It was as if she was just on vacation. She walked over to the couch and picked up the blanket on the couch. As she brought it to her nose she could smell the scent of Rachel's perfume. It was amazing to her that she could be gone when everything here was still distinctly her. Bo watched as she walked around the house just taking everything in. When she finally saw the pictures, she held them in her hands and it finally hit her. Without thinking, she just chugged it across the room and then started throwing everything off of the tables and overturning furniture. She was hysterical by the time Bo caught up to her. He just put his arms around her to pull her back. She was fighting against him but he just held firm until she finally just fell to the floor crying. He went with her as he sat on the floor with her head in his lap. She just cried out in agony as her words had become un-comprehensive. Bo just stroked her hair and told her that she was safe now—knowing that she probably didn't care or believe it when her daughter was gone. He wondered how _anyone _could _ever_ help her when he knew _exactly _what it felt like _not_ to _want_ to be helped. He knew in that moment that he would do _anything _to make things better.

TBC


	27. Empty Part 27

**Empty- Part 27**

Nora had shut down after attempting to clean out her daughter's apartment. She was emotionally exhausted and physically unable to do anything but stare out into empty space. A million memories ran through her mind and she only grew angrier with each one because it meant another memory that wouldn't be made. Bo knew the look in her eyes—that far away, glassy stare—it was the same look that HE had when Drew died… she was lost in her own grief.

He took her upstairs and filled the bathtub with warm water. She barely even flinched when he helped her out of her clothes and into the tub. He wasn't even sure how he could breathe in that moment but this wasn't about how much he wanted her—it was about helping her find a way to survive. She sat nearly catatonic as he ran the warm soapy washcloth across her skin. It amazed him how truly beautiful she was—even in grief. He found the cup on the side and began to wash down her hair. It was then that she looked up and snapped out of her world where Rachel was still with her.

Nora: Bo?

Bo: Hey beautiful. Welcome back?

Nora: What happened?

Bo: You scared the hell out of me that's what.

Nora: I did?

Bo: Yeah Baby, you did. You shut down. I was afraid you were just going to stay there so I took you up here. You've had a rough day. I figured you could use some R&R.

Nora: I don't think _anything_ can fix this Bo. How do you live in a world without your child—when the SOB who put her in a—God Bo, I still can't get those images out of my head. Every time I close my eyes I see her lying in the morgue or on the floor with a bullet in her head—and on a bad day, I even hear the words in my head—

Bo: What words Nora?

Nora: One of your children is going to die and you have to choose which one to save or you loose them both. How in the world was I supposed to do that Bo? And now that she's gone, does she understand why I-

Bo: Don't do this to yourself sweetheart. You didn't choose Matthew over Rachel. You went for Matthew because he's a child and you've taught Rachel everything she knows—how to take care of herself.

Nora: Obviously it wasn't enough.

Bo: Because some deranged psycho killer decided to play head games with you and then kill her anyways. Do you _honestly_ think that would have changed if you had realized it was Sam sooner?

Nora: I don't know. That's why I'm_ in_ this hell Bo. I have no idea if things would have changed if I had made a different decision. Would she still be alive if I had gone to her first?

Bo: You can't do this to yourself Nora. The 'what If's' are going to strangle you.

He took the brush off the counter and began to run it through her wet hair as she sat in complete silence. Finally he cupped her face in his hands as he turned her around to face him.

Bo: Rachel was a beautiful woman. When I looked at her, it was like looking at _you_. She was every bit as _wonderful_ as her mother. She _didn't_ deserve to be tortured like that—she _didn't_ deserve to be used as a pawn and then cast aside like garbage. She deserved a hell of a lot better then what she got and I am going to miss her every bit as much as I miss Drew because she was like a daughter to me. But… but Nora you can not beat yourself up for this. There is no possible way you can choose between your kids. And knowing Rachel the way I did, I bet she wouldn't want you to do this to yourself. She_ loved _you Nora—and she _knew_ that _you_ loved_ her_. And I bet if she knew you had to make that choice she would have told you to do _exactly _what you did. She would have given her life to protect her brother and I think deep down you know that.

Nora: I _do_ know that. But it doesn't make it any easier. I lost one child and the other is hanging by a thread and on top of that he hates me. My own child hates me. How am I supposed to convince him that Sam was lying when he's been brainwashed to think and feel exactly like him? What if I've lost him forever?

Bo: I won't let that happen. And you're forgetting your trump card sweetheart…

Nora: Oh yeah, and what's that?

Bo: Our child. This baby you're carrying—our miracle—it could very well end up saving Matthew's life—and there's nothing that closes the gap between someone like Family. Maybe this new life will bring us all together and heal all that hurt.

Nora: There's only one problem with that theory?

Bo: What's that?

Nora: Sam. When we arrest him for murder he's going to hate us both—child or no child.

Bo: Then we'll just have to make sure we get him a lot of therapy. He'll come around Red. He just needs time.

Nora: What about _me_? What do_ I _need? Is there _anything _that will make me _ok_ again?

Bo: That depends on how much you want it?

Nora: What is THAT supposed to mean?

Bo: How long are you going to keep denying yourself a happy ending Nora? Do you REALLY think you don't deserve it?

Nora: I don't know _what_ I think right now?

Bo: Then don't think. Just—for once in your life, don't analyze everything and-Nora, I love you. I know this is probably the worst timing in the world but that's _not_ going to change just because you push me away. If you want to feel better then you have to stop running away.

Nora: I don't know _how_ to anymore. I don't know how to do _anything _but cry right now.

Bo: Then let me show you. Let me show you how to live again.

He leaned in and took her mouth in his as they both got lost in a passionate kiss. Then he drained the water from the tub and wrapped her in a towel. She didn't even flinch when he led her towards the bedroom. She sat on the bed and looked around at Rachel's things as Bo tossed her clothes in the washer.

Nora: This somehow feels wrong you know. This was Rachel's house. I just can't be—we can't be—

Bo: I get that. But I hope you're not just using it as an excuse to avoid whatever it is that's still between us.

Nora: I'm not. We'll talk Bo. I_ know_ there's still something there. And believe me I'm NOT running away. Not anymore. But right now—right now I can't focus on ANYTHING but nailing that SOB to the wall. He killed my little girl—he stole my little boy and then turned him against me—I'll be_ damed _if I let him taint _anything else_ of mine. When you mess with my kids-

Bo: Heaven help us _all_ when you're fighting for your kids. He's going to wish he was in hell.

Nora: Oh believe me—I _will_ put him there- either in a body bag or on death row. Either way, he WON'T get the chance to do this to anyone else I love. I will NOT let Rachel's death be in vain.

* * *

Viki walked into Bo's apartment and John motioned for her not to say anything while he checked around briefly.

John: You weren't followed were you?

Viki: Of course not. When I figured out you were using a codeword I figured it must be important so I made sure I wasn't followed by driving like a madwoman. I lost the tail pretty early.

John: No wonder you and Nora are such good friends. I don't even _know_ how many times _she_ did that. Scared the hell out of me but—

Viki: Got the job done didn't it. (Pausing) John, what's this about? Why all the secrecy?

John: Well I only get _one_ chance to do this because the bugs been removed. As soon as I leave this apartment I have _no_ doubt that someone will come in here and re-bug so I need your word that when you leave here, you _won't_ say a word to anyone—including your daughters. It's a matter of life and death here Viki. The _only_ reason I'm telling you is because I need you to be cautious.

Viki: Is this about Nora?

John: It's about what she's been through and what could very well be set in motion at this very moment. I need your help making sure everyone she loves—including you and _your_ family—stay safe and protected.

Viki: You know I'll do anything for her. Can you tell me what's going on?

John: Did Nora tell you about her partner that was killed?

Viki: Yeah she did—it was pretty rough on her from what I remember.

John: well it only got worse from there. (Pause) He killed her daughter right in front of her.

Viki: Oh God—Rachel's gone-

John: Apparently she's been carrying this around for a few years but she just couldn't admit it to herself until now—From what I understand this guy actually made her choose between her kids and then he shot her right in front of her. Nora's been in agony ever since. I don't know how to help her Viki. She's my best friend—she's _always_ been there for me—but this—I've_ never_ seen her so lost.

Viki: loosing a child is the absolute _worst_ thing that_ anyone_ can go through. And when you blame yourself the way I imagine she is—it chokes you. Where is she now?

John: Bo took her down to Rachel's place. He thought maybe if she could go through even a part of that, then maybe she could start to heal. I'm not sure that was such a good idea.

Viki: I think it's probably what she needs. She needs to accept Rachel's death and she needs to do it with someone that cares about her because doing it alone will suffocate her. And she'll always come up with excuses why she can't do it because then she won't have to accept that she's gone. I can say that because I've been there. It's the worst kind of pain.

John: There's one more thing you need to know and it's going to be a deal breaker.

Viki: What's that?

John: Nora thinks the maniac who's doing this is Sam. She has pretty good instincts Viki. I have every reason to believe that she's got this one right on the money. But I know you and Sam—

Viki: Sam and I stopped being friends the moment he took Nora's child. The _only _reason I didn't turn my back on him was because I was trying to get Nora some pictures of her son. I'm just glad that Ben's not around to see what kind of monster his brother turned into.

John: So you believe this?

Viki: There was a time when I would have said no but now—Now I think he's capable of anything. The Sam I knew NEVER would have done_ half_ the things HE"S done. And if he killed that beautiful girl then—

John: You need to make sure that you don't let _him _or _anyone_ you don't trust anywhere _near_ you or your family. He could very well target any one of you in his twisted revenge plot against Nora. And I can't be sure that he's working alone. Nora can't handle loosing anyone else she loves. PLEASE be careful.

Viki: You have my word. Thank you for letting me know.

John: And one more thing Viki. (Pausing) Do you think maybe you could look out for Matthew? He's been brainwashed against his mom and pretty much doesn't trust his dad and Sam—the only father he's ever known is about to be thrown in jail on murder charges—someone needs to look out for Nora's child.

Viki: Consider it done. You really care about her don't you?

John: Once upon a time I loved her. It was never going to go anywhere because her heart was ALWAYS with Bo. But we did sort of have a brief affair—mainly because I wanted to protect her from the men who would only use and abuse her. Nora's not like most of us. She _doesn't _see conspiracies or men who only want one thing —she just needed someone to love her because Bo _refused_ felt like a piece of cra* and it only worsened after she was raped. She went through a period of not wanting ANYONE to touch her and then she just grew numb and needed the comfort. For a while _I_ fit the bill because I was her best friend and she _knew_ I wouldn't hurt her. But the cards were on the table from day one. _I_ knew she loved Bo and she pretty much figured out that _I_ loved _her._ It never lasted for more then a few months. When she decided to come back here, I_ knew _I had lost her and I was ok with that because all I ever wanted was for her to be happy and we never made any promises to begin with. It just worked for a while when we both needed someone to hold. Now I just want her to find the silver lining. She's my best friend. She's my partner. She's a woman I once loved more then anyone. There's _no way _I'm going to let that SOB get away with this.

Viki: Good. Nora's going to need a lot of support right now.

John: She _has_ whatever she needs. I just hope she can handle the pain Viki. She's already tried to kill herself a number of times.

Viki: But there's one difference this time John… she has Bo—

John: well that and she's pregnant. It's kind of ironic that she loses one child just as another child begins to grow. Funny the way life works isn't it?

Viki: And I'll bet Rachel is pulling whatever strings she can to make sure this baby saves her Mamma. Nora wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant anymore—now she is. You can call it a miracle or you can call it destiny but I think Rachel and Drew probably were playing matchmaker from way up there—and probably good ole Asa. You _can't_ tell me HE doesn't have pull. He's not exactly an angel but where ever he is, he's watching over her. And so are Bo and Nora's kids. She'll be ok John. Everyone that loves her will make sure of it. And now she's got two angels and one not quite an angel looking out for her from the other side. That's so much more then most people have.

She gave him a hug and was almost out the door when she turned back.

Viki: Thank you for being a great friend to her John. Most men who have loved her have turned against her when she didn't return the love... but you-

John: I could never do that to her Viki. Loving someone isn't about what's best for you- it's about what's best for them- and I'd be a fool not to admit that for Nora that has ALWAYS been Bo.

Viki: Are you still in love with her?

John: I'll always love her. I mean think about it Viki- does anyone _ever_ get over Nora? She's an incredible woman. But _believe me_, right now I think of her as nothing more then my best friend who is hurting. She's in love with Bo- I respect that. But you can't blame me for still wanting to help her. We have history Viki... and I'm _not_ just going to turn my back on her and everything we've been through just because she found her way back to her heart. All I want is to help her the way she has ALWAYS helped me.

Viki: Then she's one hell of a lucky woman.

And with that she walked out of the room and John stared at the empty apartment. He could only hope that what Viki had said about Nora being ok was true because he couldn't imagine a world without her in it. She was too damn important to too many people.

TBC


	28. Empty Part 28

**Empty- Part 28**

Nora had made the decision to go back to Llanview in the morning since the attempt to go through her daughters apartment had been too much for her. She slept in her room. She cried herself to sleep after she climbed into the bed and took in the scent of her daughter's hair. She could still remember the scent of her lavender shampoo and the hint of the dial soap she used. She could smell it more now then ever before. Somewhere in the middle of the night, she had wandered downstairs and sat on the porch swing outside watching the sky. She was surprised when Bo came out to join her.

Nora: Did I wake you?

Bo: I haven't really been sleeping. I've been too worried about you.

Nora: You've been watching me haven't you?

Bo: Guilty. (Pausing) So what has you sitting outside in the middle of the night? Bad dreams?

Nora: Partly. And partly because I just can't focus on anything. I miss her so much Bo.

Bo: I know you do. I do too. Why don't you let me tuck you in? You need to get some sleep.

Nora: And what exactly do you mean by that?

Bo: As much as I would love for that to mean what you think it does, I was just referring to the literal end. Can you just let me take care of you tonight? You can go back to being that feisty, headstrong woman who doesn't need anyone—

Nora: I never said I didn't need anyone. I need you. I don't think I'd still be breathing if you weren't here.

Bo: That has to be a first. Nora Hanen admits that she can't carry the weight of the world on her shoulders all by herself. I think I should mark this down as a milestone.

Nora: Don't get too used to it Bo. You _know_ how I am accepting help—except— except I know you loved her too—and _she_ loved _you_. You were just as much her father as Hank was. And she was _so_ lucky. Some people don't even have _one_ great father—she had _two_.

Bo: She had a pretty great mom too. (He kissed her gently) I loved that kid Nora. She was so much like you. I'm sorry she won't get to meet her new brother or sister.

She looked at him and smiled. It was at that moment that she took his hand and placed it on her stomach as they felt their child kick for the first time.

Bo: I think that has got to be the most amazing feeling in the world.

Nora: Life is a miracle isn't it? We don't realize how short it can be until we loose someone we love.

Bo: Neither one of us will ever forget that will we? You lost Rachel—I lost Drew—Matthew's sick-

Nora: Do you really think that he's going to be ok Bo?

Bo: I think there's a really good chance of that?

Nora: And if he lives—is he ever going to stop hating me? Will my son ever be able to love me or has Sam completely destroyed that?

Bo: If he has half a brain then he will. You're_ so_ easy to love sweetheart. I don't think that even Sam will be able to prevent that once Matthew sees you as the amazing person you are and stops believing the lies that Sam put in his head. I _won't_ let you lose another child Nora. That's a promise I plan on keeping.

She had tears in her eyes when he kissed her. She put her arm around him and let him lead her into the bedroom. This time, he stayed with her and held her until she finally nodded off to sleep.

The next day, they arrived at the police station. John was interrogating Sam when Nora walked in.

Nora: Well isn't THIS a pretty sight.

Sam: What do you want Nora?

Nora: Be careful Sam—that's a loaded question.

Sam: Does she REALLY have to be here?

John: damn right she does. You're the reason her son is in the hospital. She's not only the victim but she's also my partner. You don't GET to make demands.

She walked over to Sam and looked him dead in the eyes.

Nora: You think you've won. You think you can just snap your fingers and all of this will go away. Well I got news for you, you son of a bitch, NONE of this is going away. I will make it my life's mission to make sure you NEVER see the light of day again. And if you even THINK of telling any more lies then I'd rethink that strategy—you play by MY rules now.

Sam: You think so huh?

Nora: I know so. Because I've got something you want.

Sam: And what might that be?

Nora: Wouldn't you like to know?

She stepped away from him as John continued the questioning.

John: Are you going to answer the question or am I going to throw your sorry butt back in your cell?

* * *

Bo walked into Matthew's hospital room and saw Viki sitting there. He gave her a smile before they walked outside.

Viki: How's Nora?

Bo: Terrible. Thanks for taking care of Matthew. I really don't know how we're supposed to tell him the truth when he hates us both.

Viki: You'll get through this Bo. Somehow you will.

Bo: I wish I could believe that.

They hugged briefly and he walked inside Matthew's hospital room. A few minutes later, he woke up and saw him sitting there.

Matthew: What do you want?

Bo: I want you to stop thinking like Sam and start having a mind of your own. You hate your mom? But you don't even know why you do except that your 'father' fed you lies about her.

Matthew: According to you.

Bo: According to everyone. Everyone who knows her could tell you a million stories that don't match the ones that YOU have. Why are you so afraid to believe that she's not such a bad person? Matthew, everything she's done she's done out of love for you. And now she's lost everything. Can't you cut her some slack? Can't you at least TRY to judge her on your own merit instead of the lies you grew up believing? _Dam it Matthew—she loves you_. She _doesn't_ deserve your disrespect.

Matthew: Well maybe if she had stuck around—

Bo: She_ didn't_ walk out on you—you were taken from her. There's a big difference.

He paused when he got up from the chair.

Bo: I know you have a problem with us both right now but you have to know that your mother is not some monster. She's made mistakes. And you know what Matthew? When your family makes mistakes then you forgive them. I hope you learn that lesson before it's too late. (He put a video tape down on the table)

Bo: Watch this Matthew. It's going to show you the side of your mother that Sam didn't want you to see—and when you see this, you are going to love her just as much as everyone else because she's hard not to.

He walked out the door as Matthew stared at the videotape, wondering if he even wanted to watch.

TBC


	29. Empty Part 29

**Empty- Part 29**

Matthew debated whether or not he wanted to watch the tape. Everything he knew about his mom he'd learned from his "father." If it turned out he had lied to him then his whole life would be meaningless. And yet there was a part of him who wanted to know why everyone he knew was willing to swear that she was good and decent and basically everything he never thought she was.

When he put the video in, he was blown away by what he saw. He saw clips of her when she was pregnant. This must have been before she had left. He thought that she had left his father but now it appears that what Bo had said was true because she was in clips with him… singing to her stomach, or reading stories or talking about baby names with her husband. He had to assume this was him she was pregnant with.

In other clips he saw the side of her he didn't know existed. She would be smiling or laughing or talking with people like they were the most important people in the world. He saw the love in her eyes when she talked about him. That had been the exact opposite of what he had grown up believing. He saw the kind, generous, loving side that everyone always talked about but he never believed.

When he turned the video off, he was confused. He had believed one thing about his mom for his whole life and now he was getting evidence that he had been lied to. And more then that was the fact that it now appeared that SHE had been lied to. What was he supposed to do with that? How was he supposed to wrap his head around ANY of this?

* * *

John could tell that Nora was trying to taunt Sam just by the way she was looking at him. Under ordinary circumstances, he would have fine with that. But Nora was WAY too personally involved and he was beginning to get concerned about her state of mind so he dragged her out of the room.

John: _What the hell are you doing Nora? _(Whispering) We're dealing with a crazy killer here. Do you want to be the next person who's body we have to identify?

Nora: John, I…

John: I know. You want justice. And believe me you'll get it. But if you don't stop with the taunting he's going to come after you.

Nora: Good. Then we can get this over with.

John: Wait a minute… You WANT him to come after you?

Nora: _Dam right I do._ It's _me_ he wants. He's only going after my family and friends because he's a coward. If I can get him mad enough than maybe he'll just skip the theatrics and make a mistake. Then we can throw his sorry butt in prison and I can give my daughter the justice she deserves so she can finally rest in peace.

John: What about you?

Nora: What _about_ me?

John: Are you _still_ going to stand there and pretend that you're fine?

Nora: I _am_ fine John. I _always_ have to be. I'm a mother. I don't get to be upset when I have to make it ok for them… even if one of them hasn't been born yet, one of them is dead and the other one hates me.

John: And who's going to make it ok for you?

She deliberately ignored his question as she looked inside the interrogation room.

Nora: Are you going to let me talk to Sam or not?

John: One condition… I want you wearing a bullet proof vest. There's no telling WHEN he's going to make his move. It's not fool proof but it's a hell of a lot better then you going in there unarmed.

Nora: Fine…

John: And you better tell Bo what you're doing or no deal.

Nora: WHAT? John…

John: _Don't John me_. You're playing with fire here Nora. Do you honestly expect me to send you out in the world without any backup?

Nora: I have _you_ don't I?

John: Not what I meant. (He kissed her forehead and turned to look at her) I get what you're doing and I even think you're probably right. But I'm NOT going to take any chances with you or that child you're carrying. The only way you're setting this trap is if you have Bo working with us helping me protect you.

Nora: I guess I have no choice then do I?

John: Not if you want to do things YOUR way?

Nora: Fine. But you're making things a lot more difficult then they have to be.

She was about to pick up her phone when Bo came around the corner.

Nora: How's Matthew?

Bo: Fine. I left him something that might change his opinion on you.

Nora: You did?

Bo: Yeah. It's a video tape. (Pausing) What's going on here? You too look pretty intense.

John: Yeah, well, Nora has plan to trap Sam. I don't think you're going to like it.

Bo (to Nora): If you're thinking of using yourself as bait then you can forget it.

TBC


	30. Empty Part 30

**Empty- part 30**

The look that she gave him could have stopped traffic and _not_ in a good way. The anger boiled to the surface and she struggled to keep it together as she spoke.

Nora: You didn't _really_ just tell me no did you?

Bo: _Nora, for Gods sake this is your life we're talking about_

Nora: Yes, and our child's, which is what this is REALLY about isn't it?

Bo: _Do you HONESTLY believe that? Nora… Nora, dam it, stop being so darn pig headed and look at me. Look at me…_

He suddenly grabbed her and kissed her. She fought him with everything she had because she was so angry but eventually she lost the battle and kissed him back before collapsing in his arms crying.

Bo:_ I love you ok? _I wouldn't want you putting yourself on the line even if you WEREN'T pregnant. But what you're doing… Nora you are just being stupid. You don't REALLY expect me to be ok with putting you in the path of a serial killer do you? You are playing a very dangerous game.

Nora: Don't you think I KNOW that? But I don't have a choice Bo. He killed my daughter. And now he's targeting all the people I love. I CAN'T live with another death on my conscience. I have _enough_ guilt as it is. On top of that…I _have_ to get justice for my little girl. Can you_ honestly_ tell me that you wouldn't do the same if this was YOUR child?

She could see the hurt in his eyes and she regretted it the moment the words had come out.

Nora: Bo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I know that you loved her like your own.

Bo: Do you? Do you _really_ know that? Because right now I'm having a _really_ hard time reading you. This reservation I have has NOTHING to do with me not wanting justice for your daughter. I loved her too you know?

Nora: I know. I know and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm being so difficult right now.

Bo: You're grieving and I get that so if you need to take my head off then you go right ahead. Just as long as you know that you're not going to push me far enough away this time. I just… Nora, I can't let you put your life in danger. I'd never survive if something happened to you or our child.

Nora: Nothing is going to happen to me.

Bo: _How can you be sure of that? We're talking about a killer here._

Nora: Which is why I'm going out there with a bullet proof vest?

Bo: And what if he doesn't use bullets? Nora, have you thought about all the ways this could backfire? You're assuming that he's going to just fall into your trap? What if he doesn't? What if he changes the game plan?

Nora: So what am I supposed to do…sit back and do _nothing?_ I can't do that Bo. I NEED you to support me on this.

Bo: Is there anything I can do to stop you?

Nora: Could I stop _you?_

Bo: Ok fine. I'll support you. If this is REALLY what you need, then I'll have your back. But Nora... Nora, you _better_ keep your promise.

Nora: And what promise is that?

Bo: You _better_ come back with _all_ your body parts working because if ANYTHING happens to you or that baby you're carrying, I'm going to be pretty pissed off.

Nora (Kissing him gently): For the record, I'd be pretty pissed off too. I have plans for these "body parts" that _don't_ include me getting carted off in a body bag.

Bo: Nora, _please_ don't joke about that.

Nora: I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do.

She gave him a quick kiss and then walked back into the interrogation room. John turned to Bo.

John: Try not to worry so much. She's pretty good at what she does. If Sam tries anything, she can protect herself.

Bo: Isn't that what she thought about Rachel? John come on… you can't tell me you're not worried?

John: I am. But I also know it's a lot smarter to be WITH her than against her. We can't stop her Bo.

Bo: No matter how stupid this plan is?

John: It's her daughter. If this was just another case, she wouldn't go this far. But you can't stop a mother from getting justice for her child. There is NOTHING she won't do.

Bo: And what happens if it ends up getting her killed?

John: We have to trust her Bo. If we don't, it will distract her and that WILL get her killed. Don't worry… I'll do what I can to keep her safe.

And with that he walked inside the interrogation room and left Bo alone. This was just one of those moments where being in love with a strong willed woman was a curse.

TBC


	31. Empty Part 31

**Empty- Part 31**

Nora's emotions were all over the place when she and John questioned Sam. When she started out, she was pretty together. She could look at him and force herself to be cold as ice because that was what he had done to her. He had taken everything she had and destroyed it… he had made her heart as close to stone as you could get and the _only_ saving grace had been Bo's love. If it hadn't been for _him_, she was pretty sure she would have been incapable of love ever again. But then she saw Sam sitting there with that ridiculous, cocky smile on his face and the only thing she wanted to do was beat him with it. The tears she had been fighting were threatening to fall as she thought of everything he had taken from her… her marriage, her self respect, her daughter, her friend, her son… what else did she have left?

She felt like she was living someone else's life and she would wake up tomorrow and see Rachel walking through the door with that smile that just lit up her world. But she wouldn't have that anymore. She wouldn't ever get to see her daughter smile… she wouldn't get to see her walk down the aisle and marry the man she loved, she wouldn't get to see her have children or finish her degree… the ONLY saving grace she had in ANY of this is that she knew that Rachel was happy. She had seen her find love and even though it didn't last, Rachel had made peace with that and was happy with the way her life had turned out. She didn't die miserable and she was grateful for that. But she DID suffer. He had MADE her suffer in her final moments and her last words had not been for her own life but they had been the ones _she_ longed to hear. Rachel died telling her mom how much she loved her and she could only hope she knew how much she had loved HER. She didn't get to tell her because her heart had given out before she had the chance.

Nora: You know, you can sit here with that smug look on your face and act like you have the right to play God with people's lives but sooner or later, someone is going to play God with YOUR life.

Sam: Like You?

Nora: I wouldn't make jokes about that if I were you? I know things about you and what you've done that would make your head spin. And if you think I don't have evidence then you picked the _wrong_ woman to mess with. See… (She got in his face and looked him dead in the eyes) NOBODY… not you… not_anyone_… EVER threatens me. If you think you can snap your fingers and intimidate me into backing down then you are going to be waiting a VERY long time. NOBODY tells me what to do. NOBODY scares me. And NOBODY _ever_ tries to threaten my family or friends.

Sam: And what exactly do you think you can do?

Nora: I can do more then you think. I'M the one with power here Sam. This is a federal case now… and If I decide to Charge you with rape…

Bo: Excuse me but did you just say what I THINK you just said…

The tension in the room could be cut with a knife as Nora turned from Sam, and grabbed Bo by the arm.

Nora(To John): I'll be right back. DON'T let him move.

After she walked out the door, John turned to Sam.

John: I'd be scared right now… REALLY scared.

Nora took Bo into the office and closed the door.

Bo: Are you going to tell me what that was about?

Nora: It's not what it sounds like.

Bo: It seems pretty clear cut to me. Either he's the one who raped you or he isn't. Which is it?

Nora: I still don't know Bo. This is about what happened when we broke up. John wants me to charge him with rape because of the circumstances.

Bo: You mean because he got you in bed with a lie?

Nora: Yeah because of that.

Bo: So why are you still dragging your feet?

Nora: Because I'm not sure if that's what it was. _I_ was the one who was stupid enough to trust him and risk our marriage.

Bo: _Nora… Nora, stop._ You want my opinion?

Nora: Always.

Bo: John's right. As far as I'm concerned, it was rape. It might not have been in the traditional sense but come on Nora… what would YOU call it? He made you think I couldn't have children when he knew it was him who couldn't. He manipulated you into a situation you were not comfortable with because you were desperate to save my life. Can you stand there and tell me that you didn't feel violated?

Nora: No I can't.

Bo: Then it's the same thing as rape.

Nora: That means I'll have to get up on the stand… Bo they're going to tear me apart.

Bo: You can do it Nora. You did it before when you testified at Matthew's custody hearing. If you can survive that then you can survive anything.

Nora: You really think this is the right move?

Bo: I think you should throw the book at him. (he kissed her head) Nora, it can _only_ be consenting if _both_parties know all the facts and _you_ didn't. Stop blaming yourself for Sam's crimes.

And with that he walked out the door and she walked back into the interrogation room.

John: Have you made a decision yet.

Nora: I want to throw the book at him.

John: Good.

Nora: I'll see you in hell Sam. You're going down.

Sam: Don't count on it. My lawyer will have me out of here in no time.

Nora: I wouldn't get too cocky Sam. It's not good for the old ticker.

And then she walked out the door and John got in his face.

John: I believe your luck just ran out. Your fancy lawyer can't save you from HER.

He slammed the door and left him there to stew. Nora and John returned to the office.

John: Are you sure you're ready for this?

Nora: _Are you kidding?_ I want to make him pay.

John: Then it's time to get you bullet proof.

TBC


	32. Empty Part 32

**Empty- Part 32**

The plan seemed to be going better than any of them expected. Though he hated not being able to be there to protect her if something went wrong, Bo had agreed to stay with Matthew in case he showed up. Nora hadn't wanted to chance that Sam would risk his life again and he could hardly argue that he might try. So now he sat with Matthew in his hospital room as he asked him questions he never thought he would hear again.

Matthew: Can you tell me how you and my mom fell in love?

Bo: That's my favorite subject. (Pause) When we first met, it wasn't exactly love at first sight. Some might say it was… well not exactly hate but close to it. I just thought she was WAY too intense and she was pretty sure I was WAY too laid back. We were on opposite sides of a case and to say we were both sure we were right is probably the understatement of the century. We clashed more times then I care to admit… and our personalities didn't exactly mesh at the time… but then…then a tragedy brought us together.

Matthew: What kind of tragedy?

Bo: My wife died. I had pretty much lost the will to live to put it lightly and your mother… well let's just say she refused to give up on me. She wouldn't let ME give up on me either. And that was when I begin to see her in a new light. I saw her strength and her passion and her loyalty. And she was infuriating as heck but she also could be… well she was intoxicating and infectious and well in words that a teenager might understand… she completely knocked me off my feet and I still haven't found my bearings because the truth is that once you've loved her… well you can't _ever_sop. She has a heart the size of Texas.

Matthew: So basically everything I ever thought I knew about her is a lie?

Bo: Matthew, I know that this is a real shock for you but Nora's not the monster you think she is. She loves you. She's in a lot of pain right now.

Matthew: Because I'm sick?

Bo: Partly… and partly because her daughter was murdered. You can't possibly understand how much that destroys a person until you've been there yourself. _I_ know what she's going through because it happened to me too.

Matthew: Is that what broke you up?

Bo: Yeah it was. And I was too stupid to go after her. I destroyed all our lives Matthew. I can't do that again.

Matthew: I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about _any_ of this. The mom that I thought I knew is a lie and now you're telling me the same thing about my dad. You want me to forgive _her_ for leaving me and to hate _him_for _making_her leave. How can I do that when he's the only family I've known?

Bo: Maybe you can _start_by giving your mom a chance. I'm not expecting you to go flying into her arms like nothing ever happened. But Matthew, it WASN'T her choice to leave you. She loves you more then her own life and she NEVER stopped trying to come back for you. I also don't expect you to snap your fingers and start hating the_only_family you've known but it WAS his fault that Nora lost everything. You need to start thinking about the facts here Matthew. And the facts are that your mother is the person who REALLY loves you.

Matthew: And what about my dad? Do you think he really loves me too?

He wanted _so_ bad to tell Matthew the truth but he knew he couldn't so he chose his words carefully.

Bo: I can't speak for Sam but I _do_ know that if he has a heart at all, he would feel nothing but love for you. I know I do.

* * *

Nora's part of the plan seemed to be going just as smoothly as they had discovered that Sam had suddenly disappeared from custody. John had not only prepared her for bullets but he had made sure she had been wearing a wire so that if anything went wrong, he could be tipped off.

She was now driving along the same road that she had been driving the night that Rachel had been killed. She pulled her car over and walked into the wherehouse. The blood had been cleaned up but there were still traces on the ground. She ran her fingers across the ground and imagined her daughter lying there years ago. It had been _years_ and she _still_ hadn't gotten justice. That would _all_ end today.

Nora: This is for YOU baby.

When she heard the door open, she prepared herself. Just on cue, he walked in.

Nora: You are _so_predictable it's not even funny.

Sam: You didn't REALLY expect me to _let_ you ruin my life did you?

Nora: First of all, you don't LET me do _anything_._I_am in charge of my life and I will do WHATEVER I want, With WHOEVER I Want, WHENEVER I dam well feel like it. You do not GET to choose who I see.

Sam: And you expect me to believe that you have the guts to fight me?

Nora: I don't care WHAT you believe. But I'll tell you _this_ much. You _can't_ hold a candle to Bo. You _never_could and that's what drove you crazy isn't it? Because no matter HOW hard you tried… no matter WHAT you did to break us up…it was STILL Bo who I loved. You might have destroyed everything we stood for once upon a time…

Sam: And you think you're so innocent…

Nora: Innocent? No. I haven't been _innocent_for _years._ But you know what? YOU make my skin crawl. I wish I could turn back the clock so I can stop myself from making the worst mistake of my life. Since I can't do that, I'll settle for the truth.

Sam: And what truth would that be?

Nora: That you will NEVER be _half_the man Bo is… which is probably _why_we couldn't keep our hands off each other ever since I came back here.

Sam: You expect me to believe that he would ever take YOU back… you are nothing but a first class wh**

Nora: And what does that make YOU huh? (Pause) You know what? I don't really care WHAT you believe… He loves me... and we're having another child...

Sam: Are you sure he's the father? You _do_ have a knack for not knowing.

She stepped in front of him and slapped him across the face as hard as she could, knocking him to the ground.

Nora: You are_nothing_ but a cold hearted bastard who thinks he has the right to play God with everyone's lives. Well not anymore.

When he looked up, she had a gun pointed straight at him.

Sam: Do you expect me to believe you are actually going to use that thing?

Nora: I know the truth Sam. I KNOW you killed my daughter. Her blood is right over there. It's dry now but it's _still_ hers. And it's ALL over your hands. Why don't you tell me why I SHOULDN'T blow your brains out?

Sam: Like you have the guts? Nora, you and I_both_know you'd be throwing your life away? Are you saying you want to raise a child from a jail cell?

Nora: See _that's_where your logic gets skewed. You're forgetting that we've been _down_this road once before... when you faked your own death and tried to get me sent up the river for it. And it almost worked too. So…I could shoot you right here… hell I could shoot you in the middle of the Mardi gras and _nobody_could touch me. It's called Double Jeopardy.

TBC


	33. Empty Part 33

**Empty- Part 33**

Bo had been afraid the moment he said it that it had been too much but Matthew looked at him with a sense of peace.

Matthew: You love me?

He wondered how he could explain to a teenager something he wasn't able to fully tell him yet but he took a deep breath and told him as much as he could.

Bo: This might not make sense to you but I loved you from the moment I found out that your mom was going to have you.

Matthew: Then why did you walk away?

Bo: That's a question I ask myself every day. I haven't found an answer yet. (Pause) The bottom line is that you are a part of her. When I look at you, I see the best parts of her… the parts that I fell in love with. And I might not know anything about you but I hope you'll give me the chance to some day.

Matthew: And what about my mom? Are you still…

Bo: Your mom and I are a packaged deal. I walked away from her _once_. I'm NOT going to do that again. I'm also not going to walk away from _you_. I know you have a lot on your plate right now but you need to understand that not _everything_ has to be bad. Love doesn't have to make you weak. When it's right… when it's REALLY right… it makes you better. (Pause) Maybe we could all sit down and have like a family get to know you session?

Matthew: What's that?

Bo: Well we can ask each other questions to get to know each other better. The fact is that we know nothing about you and you know nothing about us. We want to make this as easy on you as possible.

Matthew: You _really_ love her don't you?

Bo: as much as any man can _possibly_ love a woman. And when you open your heart and at least_try_ to forgive her, you'll see why. Nora's an easy woman to love if you give her half a chance.

Matthew: I guess I can try.

Bo: Thank you. That's a step in the right direction for _all_ of us.

He got up from the bed and gave him a kiss on the top of his head.

Bo: Why don't you try and get some sleep and I'll be right outside.

After he stepped outside the door, he picked up his phone and dialed even though he knew she had turned it off.

Bo: Nora, it's me. I know you're out there somewhere trying to trap a killer but I just wanted to call and tell you that I love you and when this is all over again, you can expect me to revisit this marriage thing. I know you turned me down once but you didn't really expect me to give up that easy did you? You're my whole life sweetheart. I'm not going to give up until you let me make you my wife again. You _better_ keep yourself safe out there. I need you in my life more then you can _possibly_ know. _Don't_ do anything stupid. I love you.

And then he shut off the phone.

Bo: I sure hope you know what you're doing.

* * *

The look of hatred in her eyes was evident as the look of registration became evident in _his_. She didn't even flinch when she pointed the gun squarely between his eyes, her hands trembling.

Nora: You know… it's pretty ironic if you think about it. If you hadn't been _so_ consumed with destroying ME then you _might_ not be staring down the barrel of a gun right now. Its funny when life works out that way isn't it?

Sam: You're enjoying this aren't you?

Nora: _Enjoying this? Enjoying this? You think I'm enjoying ANY of this?_ My son is in a world of pain because of YOU. My daughter is _dead_because of YOU. So tell me something Sam? What's to _enjoy_ about ANY of that? ANYTHING that happens to you is _too_ good for you. You deserve to rot in hell.

Sam: And you think YOU'RE going to put me there?

Nora: Why _shouldn't_ I be? _You_ killed my daughter. You see that blood over there? YOU put it there. _You put it there when you shot her in the head_. And don't even _bother_ denying it because I KNOW you did it. You have _guilt_ written _all_over your face.

Sam: You don't actually expect me to confess do you?

Nora: _Are you kidding me?_ That would_actually_ require you to be a man and we _both_ know that you _don't_ have ANY balls. You are_constantly_ hiding behind women and children and you wouldn't know _decency_ if it came and knocked you in the head.

Sam: What exactly do you want from me Nora? You and I _both_ know that you _don't_ have the guts to pull the trigger.

Nora: You want to gamble with your life that way? _Do You?_ (Pause) _What do I want? What do I want?_ Well what I REALLY want is for you to know _exactly_ what you put Rachel through. I want you to beg for your life. I want you to lie in a pool of your own blood and struggle to speak when _every_ breath hurts. I want you to lie there and know that your life is slipping away and there's not a dam thing you can do about it. I want you to _suffer_ the way you made HER suffer.

Sam: So what are you waiting for? Get it over with.

Nora: I don't think that's how it works. You didn't _"just get it over with"_ With my daughter. Why shouldn't I do the same thing to YOU? I don't want to _just_ shoot you. I want to watch you _suffer_. A life time of hell _isn't_ enough for what you did to my kids. You killed my beautiful daughter before she even had a chance to live her life. She was begging for you to save her and you just watched her bleed to death in my arms. And Matthew… you were going to let him die just to cover up your dirty little secret. And this is a kid you claim to love. If_that's_ how you treat people you love, I'd hate to see how you treat people you hate. And then there's what you did to my roommate, my partner and my best friend. You shot her right in front of me… and what for… just because she had the misfortune of being friends with me? What kind of sick monster are you? Don't you have a soul at all?

She started walking closer towards him as she gripped the gun in her hands and as she did she got a whiff of the cologne he was wearing. It made her freeze in place. She could see flashbacks of the night she had been raped. She would _never_ forget that horrible, awful smell.

Nora(Tears in her eyes): Oh no… no, it was _you_. _You_ were the one who raped me.

Sam: Nora…

Nora(Crying): _No don't… don't come near me… don't you touch me… Don't you EVER touch me again._

The fear in her voice made her voice crack. She had _never_ been sure. The evidence had been scarce and she wasn't _ever_ able to make an identification… but the smell… she remembered the smell. And it paralyzed her as much _now_ as it did _then_.

The images were playing in her head like a movie and she couldn't be sure what was real and what wasn't. She _wanted_to make him pay but she was powerless to pull the trigger when she tried. She had retreated back to that place where _everything_that moved scared her. She doubted _every_ single thing she was seeing and hearing and trusted _no one._The fear had paralyzed her and even more then that it had made her numb. She had suddenly become the scared little girl she was the night she was raped. The tears overpowered her and she fell to the floor as the truth finally hit her like a ton of bricks.

She almost didn't see him coming towards her. She just heard the gun going off and a man's voice screaming " That was for Rachel." She had been in shock and if it _hadn't_ been for the same glassy look in his eyes when she looked up, she might not have snapped out of it. But there he was… her best friend Hank… and he was standing over her, trying to decipher if she had been hurt and as she looked at him she realized that _he_ had saved her life. She thought she had cried all the tears she had in her but she _always_ seemed to find more. Pulling herself up off the ground, the tears still trickling down her face, she threw herself in his arms, thanking him.

Nora: It was him Hank. It was him.

Hank: I know baby. I know. You're safe now.

Nora: He killed our daughter. He _killed_ her.

Hank: I know baby. I know. Let it all out. I'm here. I'm here now.

Not another word was said as the grieving parents_finally_ let _all_ of their emotions out and cried on each other… both for the loss of their daughter and for _every_ memory they would _never_ get to make with her.

TBC


	34. Empty Part 34

**Empty- Part 34**

She pulled her head back from the safety of his arms and he brushed the tears from her face when he looked at her. She was still shaking when he pulled her to her feet and they looked at the scene in front of them.

Nora: I couldn't even get _one_ thing right and pull the trigger

Hank: Nora, it COULDN'T have been you. If you did then Matthew would never forgive you.

Nora: What does it matter? He's never going to forgive me anyways. Do you have _any_ idea how much it hurts to know that your child hates you? I feel like my life is spinning out of control and there's not a thing I can do to stop it.

Hank: But there is Nora. You can live your life.

Nora: Can _you?_ How do I put one foot in front of the other Hank? I keep seeing images of her lying in the morgue or right over there. How am I supposed to move on? How can I ever be happy again?

Hank: It's the hardest thing you will _ever_ have to do. A parent _shouldn't_ have to lose a child. But I'll tell you how you do it. You stop looking at things years down the road. You get through one day at a time… sometimes even an hour or a minute. And you find_one_ thing in your life that brings you joy and you grab on to that with everything you have. Rachel may have filled up _so_ much of your life sweetheart… she sure did with me… but she wasn't ALL of your life… you _still_ have the choice to keep living. You can either crawl under the covers and waste your life away or you can put one foot in front of the other and fight your way through the agony. The Nora Hanen I know is NOT a quitter.

Nora: I don't know how to do this Hank.

Hank: Neither do I. But we're surviving... and Nora… Nora you have someone who loves you… Who wants to spend his life making you happy and who would give anything to take your pain away… that's a hell of a lot more than _most_ people have. Are you really going to throw that away? Rachel wouldn't want that for you. _I_don't want that for you.

Nora: But Hank, I…

Hank: Stop Nora. I don't blame you. And If Rachel could have chosen she would have told you to do exactly what you did.

Nora: You sound just like Bo now

Hank: That's because we both love you. And we both want you to _stop_ punishing yourself. There's nothing we can do to bring Rachel back but Sam's dead now. It's time for us to live our lives. It's time for us to give her the peace she deserves.

Nora: How do we do that?

Hank: Well for starters… we can give her a memorial. You can't keep her ashes in your closet forever Nora.

Nora: What if I'm not strong enough to do it? I couldn't even clean out her apartment Hank. How am I going to sit through a service?

Hank: We'll do it together. And you'll let your friends help you. Believe it or not, you are Not expected to be completely together 100% of the time. You lost your daughter… it's ok to fall apart.

Nora: I'm afraid that if I do, I'm never going to come back.

Hank: Do you_honestly_ think that Bo would LET you stay lost to him forever? Nora, he _loves_ you. He wants to marry you and give you the life you never got to finish the first time. This is your happily ever after… DON'T let the bastard who killed our daughter take ANYTHING else from you. He's taken so much from you already.

Nora: I wish I could believe even _half_of what you're saying but I'm damaged Hank. And not just because of Rachel's murder.

Hank: Then maybe it's time that you dealt with your rape. Nora, you are NOT going to be doing this alone. You have SO many people who love you. You can't keep burying your demons and pretending that you are ok.

Nora: It's the only way I know to survive.

Hank: You have to do more then survive… it's time you worked on finding happy again.

Nora: How do I do that when I feel like I'm going to craw out of my skin?

Hank: PTSD isn't something I fully understand but you sound like the classic case. Maybe you should see a doctor before things get worse. (He took her face in his hands) Nora, you need help. You can't keep running on empty like this and I'm worried about you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes being strong is knowing where your weaknesses are. You can't take the weight of the world on all by yourself.

Nora: I don't want to hurt him again Hank. I _do_ love him. I'm just not sure I'm in a place where I can give him what he needs.

Hank: I think you need to let HIM decide that. It's not _up_ to you to decide whether you're good enough for him. Don't push him away. Let him love you. It's what you've always wanted isn't it?

Nora: It is. And we _are_ having a baby.

Hank: Well see, there you go. It's just more proof that you belong together. Stop fighting him on this. Just let it all go Nora.

Before she had a chance to process anything further the door opened and Bo walked through it. Nora paused momentarily before running into his arms. Bo just held her as tight as she would allow him too.

Bo: I was so worried about you. Are you ok?

Nora: I am… thanks to Hank. He saved my life… in more ways then one. Sam's dead.

Bo: I wish I could say I'm sorry but I'm not. Does this mean this is over?

Nora: We're marking the case closed. He's guilty. And he's also the one who raped me.

Bo: Oh baby…I'm sorry.

Nora: At least I know. For a long time I didn't think I'd _ever_ find him. Now that he's gone, maybe we can start to heal. But Bo, you need to know what you're getting yourself into before this goes any further because I am _nowhere near_ ready for marriage. I know you want that and I'm sorry but I can't. My daughter was murdered, I was raped, my son has cancer and has been brainwashed to hate me and I buried a friend… It's all I can do to make my way to the coffee pot in the morning. I'm not ruling it out at some point in the future but when the time comes I _don't_want it to be overshadowed in grief. I love you but I _can't_ marry you. If that's a problem for you then you need to tell me now because I won't set myself up for another fall. If we do this, I have to know that you are in it for the long haul because I can not handle another heartbreak. I've lost _too_much already.

TBC


	35. Empty Part 35

**Empty- Part 35**

He took her hands in his as he looked at her tear streaked face.

Bo: I'm not going to lie and tell you that marrying you isn't something that I want because it is and you can't expect me to stop trying to convince you that we should try it again. But I also understand that you have had far too much pain in your life recently. Most people never even go through half of what you did and I don't even know how you are still standing…

Nora: To tell you the truth, I don't really understand that myself.

Bo: Ok but even with all of that, I need you to understand that I'm not going to do what I did the last time. I don't blame you for being skeptical. When you needed me, I wasn't there. And you are right. I should have tried harder to find you. I knew that you weren't ok and I didn't even try to track you down. Not really. I hid behind the fact that you didn't want to be found. And look what happened? You were so miserable that you nearly took your own life… and more then once. I still can't wrap my mind around that sweetheart.

Nora: It's not your fault Bo. Yes I was miserable. I wanted you to love me and when you wouldn't… well it hurt. But if I hadn't lost my kids then I don't think I would have been suicidal. I just couldn't deal with it all at once. I needed something in my life to go right and nothing did. And I just thought that the world would be better off without me.

Bo: How could you EVER think that?

Nora: Because it's how everyone treated me. I wasn't good enough to be your wife. I wasn't good enough to be Matthew and Rachel's mother. I wasn't good enough to be Hannah's friend. Everyone always left me.

Bo: Not anymore Nora. I'm standing here right now promising you that I'm not going to make all the mistakes I made in the past. I love you and I want to marry you but I'm not going to cut and run just because you're not ready.

Nora: So you're ok with the way things are?

Bo: Nora, I don't even know _what_ we are?

Nora: That's a fair assessment. How about we just go with two people who love each other who are having a baby?

Bo: I think that's a pretty accurate description. (He kissed her gently) What about our living arrangements?

Nora: I haven't really thought about that.

Bo: Well I'm not surprised given everything you've been through. And you might not be ready for marriage but will you at least consider living with me? We can give it a trial run if you want.

Nora: You want me to live with you?

Bo: Nora, I _want_ to _marry you_ but since I can't have that I'd be willing to settle for the next best thing. Come on sweetheart… stop making things so difficult. Let me take care of you and our child. Believe it or not, you don't have to take on the weight of the world all by yourself?

Nora: Can I think about it?

Bo: You can take all the time in the world. I'm not going anywhere.

She smiled as she walked over to where Hank was standing as they were preparing Sam to be taken to the morgue.

Nora: Is he really dead this time Hank?

Hank: See for yourself.

He backed away from him as Nora placed her hand on his cold dead body and looked at him, tears falling from her face.

Nora: I wish there was more justice in this. Seeing you lying there in a pool of your own blood… it was all I ever wanted for years. But now… none of it will bring back my daughter. It won't bring back Hannah. And it can't take back the years you stole from me with Matthew or change the fact that you raped me. I live in a world where everything hurts. I can't walk down the street without hearing gunshots or seeing your cold unfeeling face in my head. You have robbed me of so much. But mostly you robbed me of joy because Rachel filled up my life with everything good. When she died, you turned my heart as cold as stone. I didn't even recognize real love when I saw it because you had convinced me that I didn't deserve it. Everyone I love always leaves me Sam… and that's because of you. I hope you are in hell for what you did to my family and I hope that somehow you know that you lost. You lost because I finally found the missing piece of my heart. I'm not cold anymore Sam. You couldn't wreck me forever.

She let go of the hand and walked over to Bo and Hank.

Nora: I think I'm ready to say goodbye to Rachel.

Hank: Does that mean what I think it means?

Nora: You're right Hank. I can't keep pretending that this isn't real. You did everything for me. I wasn't ready for a memorial so you didn't have one. I know how hard that must have been for you.

Hank: I didn't really need a memorial to say goodbye and I didn't want to make things worse for you. We may have had some rough times but Rachel… she was the best of both of us. Thank you for giving me so many years with her.

Nora: Thank you for loving me all those years Hank. I know I made it difficult but if you hadn't stuck around, we never would have known what it was like to know Rachel and… well I think you made it possible for me to learn what not to do. I made so many mistakes when I was married to you.

Hank: We both did.

Nora: And because of that, I learned how to be a better wife and mother. I wasn't always there for Rachel.

Hank: She loved you Nora.

Nora: I know she did. And I'm grateful that we had a chance to patch things up and develop a close relationship because if she had died when we weren't getting along, I don't know what I would have done. It's hard enough dealing with it now.

Hank: I know.

Nora: I guess what I'm saying is that in a way you got me ready for Bo and I want to say Thank you for that.

Hank: I guess I should probably thank you too.

They both laughed slightly and she kissed his cheek.

Nora: Let's give Rachel the memorial she deserves.

Hank: Are you sure?

Nora: I'm not sure of anything right now but it's something we have to do. Rachel needs to be able to rest in peace and so do I.

Hank: Do you want me to make the arrangements?

Nora: Maybe we could do it together… all three of us. (To Bo) you were just as much her father.

Hank: She's right you know. Rachel was lucky to have what some people never have.

Bo: She made it easy you know?

Nora: That was Rachel.

They all smiled briefly as they watched Sam being led out a few minutes later. Nora turned to Bo as she kissed him gently.

Nora: So who's going to tell Matthew?

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

Bo: from now on we're a team.

TBC


End file.
